(ON HOLD) Signs of Destruction // Chanyeol + Ot9

X - Downhill

67 kilograms.

It's not enough, why won't it go down!?

Frustration inside Chanyeol grew more and more every day. Before he used to weigh himself once a day, now it had become a habit to stand on the see-through piece of glass, when the red digital numbers went up more and more. He didn't want them to go up, he wanted them to go down. He had promised himself that it wouldn't get as bad as it had been with Minseok, there was just no way he could do that, no way he could disappoint his fans so much. But then again, would the fans be more disappointed if he did nothing?

No, don't back away now, you can't leave this now that you've just got on track of your weight.

That was the voice inside his head speaking. It had introduced itself to Chanyeol around a week ago, giving him important advices in what to eat and what not to eat. He had been surprised at first, but the voice felt already like his best friend. It felt like he could trust it even more than his own band members.

If I told someone, they would probably just say that I'm just fine, and suggest going to the gym with me. But I'm already doing that...

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Baekhyun had noticed a change in Chanyeol. After all, they were roommates, how could he not have noticed? Chanyeol may have thought that it was not noticeable, but just the way he looked at his food or seemed to listen even more carefully on each step of the creaking stairs, were obvious to the observant hyung.

Everything was not okay.

Baekhyun would've asked Chanyeol what was wrong, when his eyes were glued to his phone screen in the late evenings, but after getting one "I'm fine, just scrolling through my Instagram", he hadn't dared to ask. Chanyeol seemed so carefree, it almost seemed like Baekhyun was worrying for nothing.

But he didn't leave it there.

He wanted to be careful with Chanyeol, so he often asked to go with him to the gym, eat with him, and spend time with him. And at first it worked, it seemed like Chanyeol liked company, his training was normal etcetera. But of course it was just downhill from that.

Baekhyun told about his worry to Junmyeon, who just looked at him with his other eyebrow lifted, calling Kyungsoo and Minseok to gather around the kitchen counter too. Ironic in a way, since they now knew that was the last place where Chanyeol would go to.

"Maybe we're just overreacting? He was sick not so long ago wasn't he? Maybe he just lost some weight because of that?" Junmyeon was desperately trying to hold on to the hope that it wasn't that serious, that Chanyeol hadn't become skinnier than before in such a short time, and that he wasn't pale as a ghost even after practise.

Minseok just looked at him with pitying eyes, sighing deeply. They all wished that it would be just that, but they knew that it had to be more than it looked like to them. Hell, they had never seen the happy virus of the whole band like that.

They just didn't know what to do.

Maybe they should still wait for a bit longer?

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63kg

Chanyeol looked down at the scale, trembling all over. He had a small fever, again, but he wouldn't mention it. Sure Minseok and Jongin had given him concerned glares as his face was so pale, but he just shrugged it off. No matter what, 63 kilos was too much.

He stepped down from the scale, holding onto the counter, taking his water bottle and taking a sip of it. Water had zero calories, it was good. He filled his stomach with it. He had already had an apple earlier, a muesli bar in his backpack for later, and an apple for the evening too.

That's too much, you know you should eat less to get to 55 that you're aiming for!! The voice in his head was getting louder and louder every day.

Chanyeol glanced at himself from the mirror, seeing how messy his hair looked like. He examined his jawline, that had seemingly gotten sharper and sharper as the days went on. His collar bones that were visible under his pale skin. Even his shoulders had become sharper.

It's just 10 kilograms, it's not much.

Or that's what he was trying to tell himself, when he got lost in the dark side of internet, reading about how people have been able to lose weight.

Purging.

A word that stung his eyes and made him question his sanity even more.

Should I really do it?

Of course, I need to lose weight but... is it going a little overboard?

A heavy sigh that came out of his mouth, caused by the disappointment in the voice inside his head, was enough to tell him, that it wouldn't be that bad.