Tyler's POV
I woke up in tears from,yet again,another nightmare. They had just continued to get worse and worse and I could hardly take it anymore.
Josh shifted beside me and I froze, hoping not to wake him.
I checked my phone
4:53am•Sunday•November 30
The light from the screen was so bright it took me a few minutes before I could read it. Out of the corner of my eye I saw something shining.
It was the zipper...from my skirt...on the floor. I then remembered everything Josh and I had done before going to sleep and realized that was the reason I was aching again. Instantly I became worried Josh had seen my cuts until I saw my shirt sleeves at my wrists.
Again Josh shifted, and then woke up
"Tyler? Are you alright? Did you have another nightmare?"
I only nodded and snuggled up to Josh's chest. Crying quietly.
Josh held me to him and ran his fingers through my hair and, every now and then, kissing the top of my head.
It was now 6 and I was still lying on top of Josh,but my tears had dried leaving stains down my face.
"How about I go make us some coffee and bring it back?"
I quietly responded
"Thank y-ou Josh..."
He smiled at me and stood,picking his jeans up off the floor and pulling them on before going to the kitchen.
He had work at 7 so I knew he would be leaving soon. I then remembered Melanie's number was now in my phone and texted her,
T: Hey Josh is going to work soon,do you think we could meet up today?
I sat there waiting for her to reply,but remembered that she hardly got up before noon and set the phone beside me as Josh walked in with coffee.
Melanie texted me back at 11
M: Yeah that sounds good to me,but my place is a mess,do you think I could get your adress?
I gave her the address and she said she could be there in 15 minutes or so. I got dressed and ended up purging the breakfast I had eaten. I wasn't proud of myself but it is what it is.
I heard a knock on the door and I went to answer it without checking who was there, rookie mistake.
I opened the door to find Brendon standing there smiling.
I immediately went to close the door but he stopped it with his hand,and since he was stronger than me,he made his way in.
I stood there with my head down frozen in fear.
"You look great in that skirt"
Brendon said in an almost happy tone.
I bit my lip worriedly and looked up at him
"Wh-at do y-you wa-nt?"
He looked down as if he was ashamed.
"I uhm...I actually wanted to apologize for everything that I've done to you...I'm sorry I hit you and that I made you so upset that you tried to-...well...you know..."
I was shocked to say the least
"Br-endon I'm not p-playing any of yo-ur games, w-hat the hell d-do you w-ant?"
He looked hurt,and I felt bad
"I really mean it Tyler...I'm sorry for hurting you and making fun of you...I understand if you're upset with me and if you dont want to forgive me...I'm an awful person I know...you should just scream and yell at me...I deserve that at least..."
I genuinely felt sorry for him...and felt guilty for what I had just said...
"I-it's okay Br-endon...I'm so-sorry I di-dnt b-elieve you...a-and I ho-pe I did-n't up-set y-you. B-but I'm no-t going t-o yell...a-nd you wo-uldnt des-erve it i-if I did..."
He smiled sorrowfully at me,and continued looking at the floor.
"I'm glad you think that.....I uhm... y'know I'm actually having a party the night after tomorrow...so if you wanna come I would really appreciate it..."
I nodded and told him I'd think about it before letting him out into the hallway,where he passed Melanie who was just walking towards the door.
"Who was that...are you okay?"
I nodded and we walked over to the couch to talk.
We had been laughing and joking until out of nowhere Melanie brought up my closest friend...Mark Eshleman,or more accurately how I was doing without him around. He was the other person from our little trio...and it was just us three for the longest time, I genuinely missed him......I missed him too much.
|Flashback|
♧
I remember lying on the floor,cold and whimpering, the taste of blood on my tongue and the pain in my side were the only two things I could think of in that moment. I knew my ribs had to be broken,there was no doubt that they were,and the only reason my dad had stopped beating me was because he was beating Mark for trying to stop him.
I tried so hard to get up and help, but every movement I made came with such an intense and violent pain that I thought I would pass out.
A few minutes later I was still lying on the floor as my mom screamed at my father,not for beating me, but because he had been out again with yet another woman.
Mark ran up to me with blood running down his chin,and he helped me get up to my room.
♧
He stayed there with me that night. It wasnt like we loved each other in a romantic way...but we were basically brothers,and we only grew closer after Melanie moved...
But soon after,he discovered his mom was sick...and a few months later she died from all the chemo,and the cancer that had consumed her entire body.
Mark became cold and distant...he was constantly upset but it was easier for him to yell at people in anger than to cry,and accept that she was gone.
♤
I remembered walking into his house, his father out again, gambling everything he had away, and then walking into his room...to find him...standing there looking out the window, crying with a gun to his head.
I cautiously stepped in,and tried to reason with him, and I told him just how much I cared...I tried to get him to hand me the gun but he wouldnt...I begged, pleaded, and cried...but he only told me,
"I just cant stay here without her"
and right after those very words he pulled the trigger...
I did the best I could...I tried everything I could....but he still killed himself...and it was my fault...because I couldnt save him.
♤
Going to his funeral after having seen him dead on the floor with a bullet in his head was no doubt the most painful experience I had ever gone through,and every second was torture.
Afterwards I burned myself...and got high and drank until I passed out...and I continued that same routine for months on end...i skipped school, my grades dropped,I stopped talking to everyone altogether, I never ate,and only slept when I was too drunk to stay concious...and I had done everything I could to erase those memories...those dammed images of him dead...of the regretful smile he had on his face before he pulled the trigger...of his father as he cried...I knew I would never be able to get the sound of that gunshot out of my head for as long as I lived...and I still hadn't...
|End of flashback|
Melanie noticed I looked hurt,and changed the subject...and I tried to smile and laugh like I was okay,but after being reminded of him I couldn't get myself focused on our conversation,and she knew it. So she made up some excuse having to do with work and left...I could tell she felt bad...but I was so distracted and hurt that I didnt have the energy to stop her.
Josh came back around 10, but I still couldn't get Mark out of my head,so I acted like I was sleeping. I heard him coo at me before he carried me into the bedroom and covered me up. He went back into the livingroom for a while,and he made something to eat,but by the time he went to go to bed I was already asleep, for real this time.
