Jahseh.

not again.

Journal entry:

I'm not that same person who i used to be.

I have jah.

But I'm not happy

I don't know what to do.

I guess I can do it one last time

                                                              ~Brittany
Brittany's (pov)

I finally got up and i check the time.
Brittany: fuck! I said lowly but loud enough for Jahseh to hear me.
Jahseh: what happened? He said turning around to look at me. He looked so fucking cute in the morning it was just to much to handle.
Brittany: damn you fine as hell in the morning. I said kissing him.
Jahseh: your surprisingly happy after what happened last night.
I was confused about what he was talking about but the I see blood on my hands. I started to shake. Anxiety attack.
Jahseh: babe? You good?.He said sitting up and moving over to me.
Brittany: i-i-im fine. I said letting my hand go across his face.
He picked me up and out me on his chest and he rubbed my back and my anxiety attack was gone. I went back to sleep. He was so comforting. He cared so much for me. I really didn't know why tho. I'm so fucked up tho. How could anyone like me? I don't understand how Jahseh would like this? When I woke up I was on the bed and jah was downstairs in the kitchen cleaning up the mess I made last night. I saw my mom's body and this spirit came over me and I grinned a little. I snapped out of it and I got down on my knees helping him put her in a body bag.
Jahseh: it's ok ma. I got it. He said picking the bag up and going outside. He put the bag in his trunk and came back in the house.
I felt a need to go to bathroom and I went. I peeed and I washed my hands. i decided to go in the medicine cabinet and I see a razor blade and I grabbed it and I stood there for a few seconds.
The blade finally made it to my wrist and i began to cut and blood started to come out. It felt so good so I cut deeper and blood was all over the floor. Jahseh busted in on me. He just stood there in awe. He grabbed the blade cutting himself and threw it out the window. He grabbed some tissues for his cut and taped it up. He pushed me against the wall.
Jahseh: what the fuck is wrong with you!??!!! He said yelling at me.
Brittany: what do you think?! Huh!?! I said yelling at him
Jahseh: I understand that but hurting yourself is not the answer! Trust me I would know!
B

rittany: please jah! Let me go! I tried to scwirm out of his pin but he was too strong.
Jahseh: you have to promise me you won't do that again. Ok?!
Brittany: I promise now let me go! I started to laugh cause he picked me up and I pounded on his back like a baby. He put me on the bed and start kissing me on my neck leaving hickies. He missed me on the lips and went to the bathroom and brought me some bandages and he put them on my arm. Then he continued to kiss my neck and I played with his hair while he kissed me.
He took hand leading me to his car and we drove somewhere. Jahseh opened the door for me and he covered my eyes leading me down a walkway. We made it to a porch.
Jahseh: watch your step baby. He said picking me up and took me in a door he put me down and guess what I saw. A house our house. I got so excited that i kissed him and he grabbed my hips pulling me closer and him. Damn! Our first house! I'm so excited.

I know it got a little dark but I like it. It was based on something that happened today. But I hope you like it.❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤