Boarding School and Care homes

Chapter 9:Later on in Year 9

After many visits to mental health hospitals and to concealing appointments things were starting to get better I had a family interested in fostering me things were defiantly on the high school was going all right my grades could be better but what my teachers have to remember is I have had a lot of time out of school and at the mental health hospital and also my family situation.Everything was going fine until I got a phone call from my dance school saying that a girl(who I am not going to name) who was a very close friend past away from bone cancer and this really hit me hard.I started to blame myself for her death saying stuff like "I was so busy with all my self-harm stuff I didn't spend enough time with her" and it really didn't help my anxiety or depression or even my self-harm for that matter.

It was coming up to the Easter holiday and I have 3 and an half weeks of school(I know lucky) but I didn't really want to go back to the care home for Easter because I would have to meet these people who wanted to foster me and I was so scared.So after school when everyone was getting ready for dinner and chilling in their dorms I went to my head of years office to talk to her about this I knocked on her door but she wasn't in their so I left a note on her desk and went back to my dorm.

My friends asked me if I was going to get dinner I said I wasn't hungry but I might join them in a little while.They said ok and went to dinner about 10mins later my head of year came in asking me why I didn't eat dinner I didn't say anything I just lied there with a blanket covering my body and my head.She asked me again I still didn't say anything then she sat down on my bed and said "is everything ok I got your note" I said "not really" she said "do you want to talk" I said "kind off but also not really" as I said that my friends came in so my head of year said "let's go and chat in my office" so at the start I kind of just sat in silence then she said "are you excited for the Easter break" I said "no that's what I wanted to talk to you about" she said "well I am listening" so I told her that I was scared to meet this foster family she asked me "why" I said "because as soon as they get to know me and find out I self-harm I have depression I have anxiety and I wet the bed and even myself in the day time sometimes there not going to want anything to do with me" she then said "but we are working on all of those things to get you better and look how many people you have supporting you through all of this you will be fine" I said "I guess so" Then she said "so why didn't you come down and eat dinner" I said "because I had really bad anxiety about meeting this foster family and I felt to sick to eat" she said "ok but shall we go and get a little snack like a bit of bread for you" I agreed and I ate some bread on the way back up to the dorm she said "you know I am going to have to log everything we talked about" I said "I know" she said "ok why don't you pop of to your room and the nurse and I will be in later on".

Later just before I went to bed the nurse and my head of  year came in I got up and then I went to the nurses office where I sat down and she checked my cuts on my arm checking there were no fresh ones and If there were that they weren't that deep and also to check that my other scars weren't infected and stuff like that.There were a few fresh ones but nothing to worried about they just logged it that was all.Then I had to put my nighttime diaper on and as I was taking my pj bottoms of the nurse saw that I had a little accident(that I didn't know about) she asked me about it and I said "I honestly don't know" she took my slightly wet panties of and then diapered me up and I put my pj bottoms on and then she told me to wait in this little room for a moment.She went next door to tell my head of year about my accident and then came back and said "why don't you go back to your room and go to bed you have a big day tomorrow" and by that she meant going back to the care home and going out with this family.