12 Days of Misery

Day 5

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me

Five vicious felines

Four cold shoulders

Three silver bullets

Two motel beds

And an old friend in university

A single thump from the trunk accompanied the beat of the new wave song playing on the car's radio.

"Wow, you weren't kidding yesterday," Cassie said, looking over from the passenger's seat. "That little critter really is still alive."

"Yep. It ain't even been twenty-four hours, and his bones have already mended enough for him to make a nuisance of himself back there."

"How is that even possible?"

"I've told you. They're not human. They're not anything we understand. Call it magic if you want, but they work on very different rules than our natural world does."

Cassie paused for a couple of minutes.

"This radio station's shit," Eric said, breaking the silence.

"Forget the radio station. I want to know how you even caught that thing to begin with."

"I told you – lavender."

"No, I mean how did it end up on your radar?"

"I keep my ear to the ground. Heard about some child disappearances in Louisiana."

"Louisiana, huh? Not the first place that comes to mind when I think of Christmas elves. Jesus, how did I say that like it was a perfectly normal thought?"

"No, this one was brazen."

"No kidding. If I had to imagine Christmas monsters running loose in America, I'd think of a place more like..."

"Here?" Eric offered.

"Yeah, exactly. Is this why you've brought me here?"

"Well, I only brought you here because I was supposed to be keeping you company over the Christmas break, but yeah, we're in Minnesota because there's been some very weird bumps bumping in the night 'round these parts."

Thump.

"Shut up, you," Eric hollered over his shoulder.

"I have a question."

"Go for it."

"So this is your 'job,' right?"

"Uh huh."

"Who pays you for it?"

"Well, about that..."

"You don't actually get paid for this, do you?"

"Well spotted."

"So then how do you, like, buy food and shit? I'd ask where you live most of the time, but I reckon the piss bottle I found in your back seat the other day has answered that."

"Well, you know, I just make do. Ways and means, and all that."

"I don't understand what you're talking about."

"I just mean that there are ways to make a bit of money here and there."

"Like what?"

"Please stop asking questions now."