12 Days of Misery

Day 1

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me

An old friend in university

"Wake up, Sleeping Beauty," Cassie shouted as she rapped on the filthy car window.

The disheveled man in the reclined driver's seat shot upright, wincing at the bright December sun.

"The university police here give fines for vagrancy, you know," she said. "How long have you been there, anyway?"

"Not long," Eric slurred, pushing his door open, a beer can falling out as he did. "I got here last night."

"Last night? And to think I was joking about the vagrancy thing. How you been, partner?"

"'Partner,' huh?" He pulled his still-half-asleep frame out of the car. "You've been in Texas all of one semester and you're already talking like Yosemite Sam."

"Yosemite Sam? I thought his accent was supposed to be Appalachian. Also, even you're not old enough to have watched those cartoons."

"They're not that old."

"They're, like, from the Mesolithic."

Eric looked down at the cage perched on top of Cassie's rolling luggage, its fluffy inhabitant sniffing around curiously. "I hope you don't think that rat's coming with us."

"Beano's not a rat, silly – he's a hamster – and he totally is coming."

"Pass. I'd rather not catch the bubonic plague."

"Then stay away from any time machines you might stumble upon. You're more likely to catch a disease from me than Beano."

"Whoa, I did not need that insight into your sex life."

"Shut up!" Cassie punched him on the shoulder.

"No, seriously, though, what are you going to do with your dust bunny?"

"I was just going to keep his cage in my lap."

"Not in my car, you're not."

"Eric, come on, he's not going to do anything."

Beano raised himself up on his hind legs and pulled his front paws together.

"Is your gerbil begging?" Eric said with a sleepy laugh.

"Yes, see, he's showing you that he's got feelings too. Eric, please, I can't leave him in the dorm. There's no one to look after him, and they're going to be clearing out all the rooms for the Winter break anyway. Also, Beano is the loveliest hamster you'll ever meet. He's been with –"

"All right, all right. Christ, the mole can come."

"Thank you, Eric! You'll see Beano's no trouble."

"He'd better not be. If he chews the interior of my car, he's getting run over."

"How do you imagine he could possibly do that from within his cage? Your car's a piece of shit anyway."

"First of all, this," Eric tapped the roof of his Crown Victoria, "is the apex of American engineering. Secondly, he can get out."

"Not unless he grows human-sized hands that materialize on the outside of the cage."

"Are you sure about that? It looks like he's already gnawed away at the side of his cage a bit."

Cassie bent over to look.