ALONE. Yep. That's what I am. My sister didn't live with me and my mother. Well more like she didn't exists in this world anymore in order for her to live with us. When I returned home, I was given news that my sister was murdered thanks to a drive by. Not only was she shot, but the person that did it was related to us. Isn't that cruel? Family killing blood. I see why they say blood means nothing anymore. Thirteen and alone, that's what I am.
Another school year trying to find myself. As I entered the school with the same clothes from last year, my still crush approached me. We exchanged smiles before embracing each other. Months apart seemed to only make our bond tighter. I think I love him. A feeling that doesn't just fade away.
Pulling away from him and looking in the direction of his enemies, one of his old friends nudged him. Not only did he wrap his arms around me to protect me but he wrapped his arms around me as if he were claiming territory.
Territory. I am human, not a place or a thing. Just as he removed his hands from my waist, his friend looked me up and down before turning to lick his lips. Why do I have to be sexualized at the age of thirteen? My crush walked me to my class before heading down the hall with his crew. Sitting in the classroom, I begin to hear individuals whispering and looking at me. What the hell is so interesting about me? I don't remember any of you, so why worry about me? One girl laughed before pulling her cellphone out of her backpack. What the hell?
Once we were dismissed, one of the unfamiliar girls approached me and honestly I was scared. That's right, scared. I'm not use to individuals approaching me especially if I didn't know them. She flipped her phone around, showing me a picture of herself and my crush kissing while holding hands. Please tell me this is all just a dream or something. I hurried down the hall and towards the girls bathroom because not only was my heart breaking but I felt as if I were having a panic attack. As I sat on the bathroom floor, holding my chest, in walked a group of girls laughing. I stood and tried to hurry out the bathroom but one of the girls gripped a handful of my hair. As one held me by the hair, others shoved me to the ground punching and kicking. Not only was I being jumped but I was being broken all over again. When they finished beating me, I was left to see a bruised face and bloody nose in the shattered mirror.
Defeat. That's what I experienced. How could he not tell me that he found someone else? How could he try to keep me as his dirty secret? When it came time for lunch, I retrieved my food from the lunchline and hurried to a empty table towards the back left of the cafeteria. Moments later, he sat right across from me smiling and dapping up his homeboys as they walk by. I found myself disgusted by his presence. He reached for my hand and I quickly snatched it away. He doesn't deserve to hold my hand. He doesn't deserve my love. He betrayed me once again. I grabbed my things and dumped my tray before leaving him at the table alone. Yep, that's right. For the first time since I've met him, I Angelica left him clueless.
I'm so thankful for this day almost being over because I found myself in the last block of the day. This class consisted of: me, my now ex-crush, his lover, his homeboys, and his enemies. What a class right? As the teacher took attendance, I found myself finding a seat in the back of the class near the window. One of the boys from his enemy group sat by me and introduced himself. Why not show him I'm interested? My now ex-crush didn't attempt to right his wrongs with me. For the rest of the class, I remained in the back of the class laughing and smiling with his enemy. At this point, it isn't even revenge because this kid is actually interesting. Once class ended, I grabbed my things and headed towards the bus loop where I found myself in the middle of a riot. GREAT! This is the last thing I need.
As police officers and deans rushed out to break up the riot, you could see many students sitting their things down and lying on the ground before putting their hands behind their backs. I did the same as the other students because I didn't want to take the risk of being: beatened, pushed, shoved, thrown to the ground, maced, or handcuffed.
As things calmed down, multiple bodies were put into police cars while others we're finally getting up from the ground. Thank god I chose to get on the ground instead of trying to run. Being young and black in America isn't easy because you're always seen as a target.
Finally, I'm on my way home. I was so happy when the bus stopped at my destination because this meant I'd be home in the next five minutes. We stayed in the back of the complex, so it took some time to get there. The thought of listening to music and dancing in my room was the only thing on my mind. Well that was until a boy who seemed to be around sixteen or seventeen, stopped me. Now, why is he interested in a thirteen year old girl? Remaining calm, we exchanged names and a few smiles. He walked me home and he respected that he couldn't walk me to the door. It's always nice to meet a new warm face but not of a individual who seem like he'll be trouble later on down the road.
When I entered my home, my mother was sitting on the couch smoking. What was she doing smoking? I've never seen her smoke before. She stood and twenty-one questioned me about the boy who just walked me home. The boy? How rude of me. His name was Victor. Before sitting her cigarette down, her hand connected with the side of my face causing tears to form in my eyes. I hurried down the hall and to my room, where I locked the door just to open the window and sneak out.
Nature. That seems to be my getaway. The wilderness seemed to be the only way I could escape this world outside of writing, singing, dancing, and sleeping. As I sit on a log by the riverbank, Victor sat his God like figure by me. He didn't say anything, he just held me and allowed me to weep into his chest. Why am I so weak? Why am I always allowing a guy to be my hero? Pulling away from him, I found myself asking him a bunch of questions. He answered all of them honestly and unhesitantly. Jesus. The way his lips fit perfectly on his face was just unnatural. Thirteen, yes that's my age but does it matter right now. He stood, holding his hand out for mines and I just smiled. It feels as if my hands fit into his perfectly. He walked me back home and whispered, "If you ever need anything just let me know." From, that day on, we were inseparable. No one including his girlfriend could tear us apart and I found that to be a good thing. What can I say, he was my best friend.
As a few months past, I found myself smiling more and living life more. I've been focusing on me and that honestly goes to show that"self love is the best love." Eighth grade is almost over and I've become a new and improved version of myself. As I walked down the halls, one of the girls that jumped me was walking alone and I punched her right in the face. How did it feel? Like I was releasing stress finally. Punch after punch was going straight to her face. I couldn't believe I was finally feeling free. Here I am. After rape, heart-ache, and being bullied Still I Rise.
