Marvel At What Could've Happened

Chapter 21

The door opened behind Loki and he turned to look.

"Father is in their room," Thor said. "I just saw him." Loki stood.

"No time like the present," he said with an uncharacteristic lack of confidence. He took a deep breath.

"I say this with as much care as I possibly can," Thor said with a small smile. "Don't lose your temper."

"Honestly? No guarantees," Loki replied. "But yes, that's the goal."

Thor patted his shoulder, and Loki gave him a ghost of a smile and left the room. He headed in the direction of their parents' quarters. He reached their door and stood for a moment, gathering the courage to knock. He felt sick to his stomach and his heart was thudding so loud he could hear it. He raised his hand and knocked. Loki waited a moment but there was no response. Slowly he pushed the door open.

Odin was there, alone, sitting in an arm chair and staring out the window. It was the first time Loki had seen him since Frigga's passing three days before. Loki crept around to stand next to him and lowered himself into the chair opposite his father. He stared down at the floor awkwardly, refusing eye contact.

"That's the happiest she's been in years." Loki looked up, startled. He looked over at Odin.

"She was overjoyed to see you. It made everything easier."

"I was grateful to see her again too," he replied carefully.

"And less so, me?" Odin looked at him for the first time.

"Rather less so." Loki felt like he could be honest for once with Odin.

"With good reason."

"Indeed." The anger in his voice was evident and he remembered his promise to Thor to remain calm.

"You know, I never wanted to rule."

"You never made that abundantly clear, Loki."

"I didn't. I wanted to prove that I could. I only wanted appreciation."

"That seems rather misleading from my point of view."

"I spent my entire childhood in the background, letting Thor live in the spotlight. I held my head low and did what I was told and never complained. I let everything slide."

"You think this went unnoticed by me."

"I'm sure it did, because why then was Thor crowned when I was clearly far readier? Why did Thor get everything he ever wanted, and I lived my life unloved and unappreciated? Don't answer. I know why."

"Then what do you want from me, Loki?"

"I- I don't know. I genuinely don't know what I want. I might be happy if I never saw you again, but Thor wants to make our family whole. Despite everything, I still love my brother. I'm only here with you because of him."

"We both do a lot for Thor. Maybe he was an unruly child and an unjust prince, but he has grown beyond all of it and become a kind, thoughtful, king."

"That could have been me, too," Tears were forming in his eyes and he hated that he was even beginning to get emotional.

"I'm sorry for what I did to you," Odin said. Loki could hardly believe what he was hearing. "I never treated you right. I didn't know how to at the time. I didn't want you to have your desires cut short when you found out your heritage. I wanted to treat you like Thor, but I always had my agenda and I was unsure on how to balance all of it. And it left you much worse off than I intended."

"I understand how that could have been hard, but how much simpler would have been to tell me the truth from the beginning and treat me like a son?" Loki replied harshly. "Now it feels unnatural to call you father and my childhood was nothing but pain."

"I kept telling myself you were too young, it was too much information for you. Every year, I told myself I would tell you the next year. By the time any reasonable person would have decided you were old enough, I thought it was too big a secret to reveal at all. I never stopped to think what the consequences would be for any of us."

Loki stayed quiet. He had made mistakes. Big ones. Why was Odin different and why did he deserve any less of a second chance? He himself had had far more than two chances at life. He didn't deserve to take that luxury away from anyone else.

"I'm sorry too." That was hard to get out. He quite literally swallowed his pride and he choked a bit on the words.

Odin looked at him for the first time in a while.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Loki."

"But I do. I handled everything much worse than most people would. I cut myself off from the family. I committed treason. I lied, and I killed, and I manipulated. I allowed myself to be filled with hate, and you know that's not how I used to be."

"We have both made many mistakes," Odin said thoughtfully.

"One might almost think Thor was the adopted one and not I." Loki lips twitched upwards.

"You are more like me than I wish. I have been a poor father and king."

"I have been a poor son."

"I am glad you came back. I'm glad you came to see me today," Odin said. "What are you going to do now?"

"I hadn't even begun to decide," Loki replied. "It is one of the harder decisions I've made."

"Whether to stay here or return to Earth?"

"I think my friends on Earth want me to return. And I want to go. But... I can't... I can't leave Thor."

"Then this is between you and him, not I," Odin replied. "It is up to you two to decide where you are needed most. This is no longer about what you want. You need to go where people need you."

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"That wasn't necessarily what I expected," Loki said, frowning. Thor chuckled.

"And what could that mean, brother?"

"First off, I did not lose my temper," Loki said. "And he apologized. And I apologized to him. And neither of us got angry."

"Loki, that's wonderful," Thor said with a grin.

"Yes, I just didn't think it was possible anymore. And now I don't know what to think."

"It's not a bad thing to be wrong or surprised occasionally."

"I am aware. I just thought I knew us well enough to know what to expect." He paused. "He asked me where I'm going now."

"Well, where are you going?" Thor asked.

"That's the problem. I don't know. He told me to go where I'm needed, not where I want to."

"That's rather good advice. As long as you're happy."

"Do you need me here?" Loki asked. Thor smiled. I don't necessarily want to rule. I want to protect. I do not desire a throne, but I will take it if I have to."

"I no longer want it either," Loki said quietly. "Thor, I want to go back to Earth. But I won't, if you want me here. And I don't want to abandon you. I'm done cutting myself off from all of you."

"You are not abandoning me or anyone else. I want you to go where you want to. If that happens to be Earth, then Earth it is." Loki didn't say anything. He was terrified that he was wrong, that the Avengers were glad to be rid of him. But he had to take that chance.

"I'm going to return to New York." Somehow, he knew that was the right thing to do.

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