Marvel At What Could've Happened

Chapter 16

Loki stood uncomfortably for a moment, his arms limp at his sides, but slowly raised them to his brother's back. The two of them stood for another moment before Thor pulled away.

"Loki, how are you?" he asked. "We must talk."

"I told you, I'm-" Loki hesitated. "Well, okay, I'm doing better than I was, alright?" Thor scrutinized him, running his eyes down Loki.

"Heimdall told me you almost died, again."

"Well, yes, that's true," Loki admitted, avoiding his gaze.

"Tell me what happened, have our enemies returned for you?" Thor asked forcefully.

"Can- can we talk, in private?" Loki asked. "We can go to my room, brother." He glanced around at everyone else and then turned and walked away without waiting for Thor to follow. He heard footsteps behind him confirming that Thor was coming. Loki went straight for his bedroom and threw the door open. Thor closed it behind himself and Loki turned to face him.

"Loki, you have to tell me what is going on."

"Why do you think we came here? The others all know already, and we have much more to discuss," Loki said. Thor looked confused.

"Thor, I know not what Heimdall has told you, but I assume he wanted you to hear the full story from me."

"Only that I almost lost you once more, and that you needed me."

'That's an overstatement," Loki frowned. "Fine. He can think what he wants about how I feel."

"I don't believe he's wrong," Thor said, sounding gentle for the first time. Loki scowled.

"Listen, recently I ended up in a midguardian hospital. Because I tried to kill myself." His words hit like a fright train. There was silence between them for a long moment. Thor seemed unable to speak. Finally he managed to form a sentence.

"Brother, I need to know how to help you. I cannot overlook the fact that you have tried this twice in less than two years, and I cannot except that you are well. I need to know why, because I do not understand." Loki took a deep, shaky breath.

"Because Thor, you do not understand the miserable life I lead. We have been heading down two different paths our entire lives and I have reached the end of my branch. This is what I want, but things never go my way."

"If you have reached the end, then you go back and try another route. Things can get better." Thor looked sorrow.

"It's not that simple."

"And you think I will let you have your way? The Avengers are one thing. I am impressed that you have gained their trust, and I am surprised that they have opted to save you time after time. However, I will always fight for you and I will not let you go farther down this path of self destruction."

"Thor, I cannot go home. I cannot start a new life. I can never be trusted. I broke any trust I had from anyone a long time ago. And I can never face your parents again."

"Our parents, Loki. Family is not only defined by blood. They raised you beside me. And why am I any different to you than them?"

"Thor, I lost them as family the moment Odin said, directly to me, that I would never be good enough. And you- you are different because you keep coming back to me. You are the only one who seems to care."