Picture Imperfect (Niall Horan)

27 - Cassie

27 – Cassie

I don’t hate you,” I whisper, the lump in my throat making it almost impossible to speak. “I could never hate you. Ever.” My chin trembles, and my head is pounding, so I am grateful when Marley appears by my side, stepping in front of me. Like the coward I am, I turn and walk back to the den while tears rush down my cheeks. I know I look like a mess with my disheveled hair and puffy eyes but the last forty-eight hours have been the worst of my life.

I couldn’t tell Niall about my dad. I wanted to, I wanted to share that piece of my life with him, I wanted him to hold me and comfort me while I cried into his chest, but I couldn’t. If I said it out loud that would make it real and that’s the last thing I want. The pain is too much and while all of this is happening I don’t even know if I believe my father or not.

Of course, I would like to believe that he is innocent, but what if he isn’t? My whole life I grew up with my dad telling me not to drink and I never really did. At parties I would only get a little buzzed, and I have only gotten really drunk once. It wasn’t a good experience. The only time I saw my dad drink was a glass at dinner once in a while. His alcoholism was never a problem, which is why I found it so hard to believe that he drank before going into the OR.

I wipe under my eyes to get rid of the moisture there and sit down at the desk where I was seated before Niall showed up. His face of anger, desperation and confusion is forever burnt into my mind but I ignore it for now and continue what I was doing. A few minutes later Marley comes back and her face is flushed. To my surprised she is withholding a smile, which I don’t understand because right now, there is nothing to smile about.

“Find anything?” she asks.

“This one is nice,” I say, pointing to the screen. “It’s a really great two bedroom one bathroom. Simple furniture, but basic necessities.”

“Where is it?”

I shrug. “Five minutes from here.”

Marley sighs and runs a hand through her curly blonde hair. “I mean, it’s a nice apartment,” she says. I just nod and stare at the pictures. After a moment, she asks, “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“No, but it’s what I have to do. My dad could lose his job, Marley, and we could lose our house. If my dad is guilty, then he is going to lose his medical license and we won’t be able to live here anymore.” My eyes sting at the reminder, and I bite my lip.

“I know, I’m sorry,” Marley coos and hugs me. “Have you gone to see him?” I know she’s talking about my dad.

“No, I just can’t face him yet,” I sniffle and then pull away. “I want to, but… I don’t know what I would say.”

“He’s your dad,” Marley smiles softly. “He loves you and I know he wants to see you. I would go there if I were you.”

“You think so?”

She nods.

“Okay.” I exhale deeply and stand up. “I’m going to see him.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Marley asks. She is such a great friend. Actually, she’s more like a sister. Speaking of sisters, we called Katie, but she’s in Japan for a business trip. I want her here with us, with me, but she says she’s sorry and that she’ll be here as soon as she can.

“No, thank you,” I decline as I put on my shoes. “I have to do this alone.”

Marley hugs me one more time before I walk out the door, and I think my heart just might beat out of my chest.