Picture Imperfect (Niall Horan)

31 - Cassie

31 – Cassie

Stop crying, stop crying.

I try to block out Niall’s voice on the other side of the door, but I can’t. His pleas and constant pounding on the door make it hard to ignore him. I stand up from the floor across the room and unlock the door, even more furious than when I entered. I didn’t think that was possible, but obviously I was wrong.

“What the fuck is going on?” he almost hisses in my face.

If you asked me why I was so mad at him, I couldn’t give you a solid answer. The fact that he just came to my apartment unannounced and demanded to know what was going on didn’t make me feel any better about anything that’s going on. Niall is usually the one who understands me, who comforts me when no one else will listen. I probably should have told him a long time ago, but it didn’t have anything to do with him. It was my dad, it was me and who I have looked up too all these years, just for him to take my trust and rip it into a million pieces.

When Niall held me as I cried, I almost gave in and told him. But then I realized that what if Niall does the same thing? What if I tell him what I’m ashamed of and then he begins to think of me differently? I couldn’t handle it. Not with Niall. At that moment, I was furious for him for something he hadn’t even done yet.

“What happened to you?” I shout, stepping towards him at the same time that he backs up.

“What?” he asks.

“You were always so gentle, you respected me!” I yell and jab a finger at him, my anger consuming my every emotion.

“You don’t think I respect you? Cassie, I’m just trying to help you, I want to be here for you during this obviously difficult time. Why won’t you let me?” Niall’s face is red and I know that if I don’t tell him soon he’s going to explode. He takes a deep breath. “You said your dad killed someone. You can’t just say something like that and not explain!”

“Fine!” I scream, fed up with his shit. I’m exhausted, emotionally and physically. “I’ll tell you, alright?” I know I will regret this, but right now, I can’t stop myself. “My dad was drunk when he went into the operating room and he killed a fifteen year old girl! He’s in jail and I had to move in here because we’re probably going to lose our house! Are you happy?” I take a deep breath and don’t notice the warm tears running down my face until the run down my chin. Niall is silent and staring at me.

“Cassie,” he whispers and steps closer, but I step back.

“No! Now don’t you understand why I didn’t want to tell you? This is something going on in my family and you’re not my family!” I continue to back up and Niall’s face is so broken. I almost feel bad.

Suddenly, his face twists into anger, too. “How can you be mad at me? I did nothing wrong, you’re the one who wasn’t telling me shit! You left me completely in the dark and you’re mad at me for asking if you’re alright? Are you fucking kidding me?”

My jaw drops. “I was upset! Pardon me if my emotions were getting in the way of you sticking your nose were it doesn’t belong! I didn’t know what the hell to do and excuse me for not wanting to talk about how my father is going to prison and will lose his medical license!”

Niall pauses and his face returns to neutral. He looks at the floor and I lean back against the wall, head spinning. We’ve gone from screaming, crying, saying nothing, to screaming again. I can’t keep up from the mood changes every minute. “I can’t believe this,” he says, running his hand through his hair.

I slide down the wall. “Yeah, me either.” I bite my lip so I don’t cry for the hundredth time tonight. How are we calmly speaking again? Weren’t we just screaming at one another ten seconds ago?