Picture Imperfect (Niall Horan)

30 - Niall

30 – Niall

I go back to the bus with smoke practically coming out of my ears. I am so damn frustrated I don’t trust myself to speak. Normally, I am not an angry person, but Cassie is just beyond infuriating right now. As soon as I get there, I strip and hop in the tiny shower. It is very cliché, but I do think well in the shower. It’s the place where I come up with most of the songs I co-write with other people.

I don’t know how long I’m in here but I only come out when Parker knocks on the door, complaining that I’ll “use up all the hot water.” Afterwards I slip on joggers and a tank top and lay in my bunk, grabbing my guitar. I strum a few chords and even come up with a few lines to go along with them, but I don’t think it will turn into something. My mind keeps wandering to Cassie and I don’t even notice the words that are coming from my mouth.

“Sounds good over here, Niall,” Harry says to me, walking by.

“It’s nothin’,” I dismiss him. “Hey, have you talked to Amabel lately?”

“I just got off the phone with her,” Harry grins, his cheeks turning pink.

“Is she coming to visit soon or something?” I ask.

Harry frowns and looks down at his boots. “I don’t think so, mate. She says she’s really busy with school and I don’t want to bother her.”

“You didn’t just say that,” I roll my eyes. “Please tell me you did just say that.”

“What?”

“You’re so fucking dumb,” I laugh.

“What?” he repeats.

“Mate, how long have you been together? That’s right; a long, long time. I think it will be impossible for you to bother her.”

Harry sighs. “You’re right. I miss her so much, though.”

“I’m sorry,” I say, meaning it. I don’t know exactly what it’s like to have the person you love more than anything across the world. Liam and Louis are lucky to have Parker and Marley with them. Parker doesn’t speak to her mom, dad, or brother—that’s what Liam told us—and Marley’s job is to be here, so it works out for them. But Amabel is going to school in the UK, and Harry’s job can’t allow them to be together all the time, but they get through it. It’s so obvious they’ll be together forever, so I’m not worried for them. I do feel bad for Harry, though.

Harry pats me on the shoulder and then walks away, head down. For the next hour I lay there and stare at my phone, hoping Cassie will call me and we can sit down and she can finally tell me what’s going on and it will all work out.

*****

I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

Cassie keeps pushing me away, no matter what I do. It’s so fucking infuriating sometimes I think I might as well just give up on her, but I know I can’t do that. I love her more than anyone else in the world. After everything we have been through and all the time and energy I have put into this one girl—this beyond amazing girl—will not have been for nothing. Cassie is worth every minute ive spent trying to get her to see she should be with me.

But nonetheless, I’m so angry.

“You alright there, Niall?” Marley asks me. I’m supposed to be playing video games with Louis but instead I am clutching the controller and not playing at all. It seems like Louis doesn’t even care as he continues to play like I’m not even there.

“Yeah,” I say, and then sigh. “No, I’m not.”

“Is it about Cassie?” she asks. How is it that everyone knows all my problems are about Cassie? Am I so obviously in love with her that everyone can see it so clearly?