Your Mistakes Are Yours to Keep (BEING REVISED & REPUBLISHED)

CHAPTER ONE

Some warning for this fic: please check the warnings in the description. specific warning will be given in authors notes.

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Nya felt Jay pull back from the kiss and his grip around her tightened. For a moment, it was silent.

The noise of the world around them seemed to melt into nothing but a fuzzy blur. Nya swallowed. And then she remembered. She remembered it all. She could tell Jay did too.

He was as white as snow and his eyes were scanning every inch of her face. In a swift movement, his shaking hands were touching it. His gloved hands rested softly, yet shakingly on her cheeks; barely a touch. His gloves were soft, which was not what it felt like minutes ago when she was dying. His gloves weren't torn and his face wasn't bruised and he wasn't so injured and she wasn't in a wedding dress and her chest-

Her chest felt fine. She was alive.

"You're okay," he whispered and closed his eyes, "oh FSM, you're okay."

She nodded, feeling unable to speak. She felt as if there was a heavy lump resting in her throat. She didn't even realise how hard she was gripping at the front of his GI until she found herself with her hands full with the blue and black cloth.

"I'm okay. We're okay." Her voice sounded hoarse. She swallowed hard.

He opened his eyes to meet her eyes again. Guilt.

He took a deep breath and moved his hands to grip at his hair. He pulled away from her and started pacing back and forth, seemingly forgetting that his teammates stared with curious eyes. Nya could feel their stares on them but chose to ignore them. She felt too numb too. She felt wrong.

"Oh fuck, what the fuck I'm so sorry-" Jay mumbled in whispers and continued pacing back and forth.

"It's going to be okay, Jay. I'm okay, you're okay." She tried to reach for him, but he took a step back. The panic and guilt in his eyes made her want to step closer again. She wanted to hold him and convince him that everything was going to be okay.

"Nya, we are back where we were 3 months ago! What the FUCK is going on? You were laying there a second ago, and now you're here and I'm here and we were here! We were here! Yes, this is before we went to Stiix and-"

"Just breathe, Jay!"

The pacing increased.

"Nya, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't want this to happen I didn't mean for-"

She moved forward again and grabbed his shoulders and she was slightly taken aback when he flinched at her touch. Nya herself was in a state of confusion. As much as Nya needed Jay to keep calm, she was having the same spiral of thoughts and memories. It was overwhelming. It was too much and she needed to get off of this stupid rooftop.

"It's not your fault. Jay, look at me,"

She pulled him closer to her to find that he was looking at anything besides her.

"Jay, look at me."

He cringed and reluctantly moved his tear-stained eyes to meet hers. Nya was met with a face ridden with guilt. "Nya, I-"

"What's going on down there?" Cole's voice called, slightly drowned out by the increasing clap of helicopter blades in the sky.

Nya followed Jay's gaze to the helicopter coming closer to them, preparing to land.

"This is just great! Just what we needed today!" Jay said and tried to move away from her, but she squeezed his shoulders harder.

"Jay, just hold on. I'm just as confused as you are. You need to calm down for me, yes?"