push me on a lilo out to sea.

Do I embarrass you beyond belief?

Maternity Leave, well over and I needed a new job. I gently rocked Darcy on my lap and occasionally dropped a quick kiss on her head. It's not that I wasn't qualified, it was just that I didn't want to spend one second away from her, yet everything I done was for her benefit. I filed my papers and decided to head off, for my job interviews. I was a make up and hair stylist, I also worked a lot with fashion and styling. I also have a degree in photography, specializing in photo shoots. I gently put Darcy done and kissed her on both cheeks, I had to drop her off at her grand mother, since I didn't want to take her with me to the interview, I wanted to make a good impression and a girl with a baby at 20, was not a good impression. I went upstairs to get changed, I hadn't worn a dress in ages and I'll admit, I was scared. 

***

Work, Work, Fans, Work. My brain was about to blow up. I pushed back on my chair and sighed. I had a couple of lyrics lined up, but they're all about the same subject. Mum. I went to her all the time for everything, the only person I could rely on even if the whole world was against me. I went downstairs 'mum, could you tell me what you think of these lyrics please?' She was sat down with a mug of tea, that looked untouched and cold and was staring out of the window, on the same spot. Lost and tired looking. 'mum', still nothing. I decided to stand in front of her, since there was no other way I could catch her attention. She looked up at me with a glazed look in her eyes, she flashed a smile at me, A smile I had never seen before, it look untruthful, empty and fake. I continued 'mum, could you tell me about what you think of these lyrics?' she slowly nodded and took the papers away from me. She scanned over the pages and a tear drop fell. 'they're beautiful honey.' I grinned widely. 'I love you mum' I whispered while engulfing her in a massive hug. I could honestly trust her to always tell me the truth.

*** 

Outfit: http://www.polyvore.com/estees_work_interview_outfit/set?id=49114360

I finished dressing up and getting ready, the clock told me I was 30 minutes early, I looked at my self one last time in the mirror and plumped my lips up again. I looked different and I wasn't sure how to feel about it. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. 'you'll do fine' I whispered to myself. I grabbed my keys, phone and clutch and walked downstairs. Darcy was sat down with a concentrated look on her face, she was working on a puzzle I had bought her a while ago. She was adorable.I came up from behind her 'we ready to go honey?' she turned around and smiled 'yes mama' she giggled. 'Then off we go!' I said while scooping her up in my arms and spinning her around and around heading for the door. Her giggles filled the air around me. It were these moments that I wish I could have shared with her father.

***

I had decided to take a small nap, before I got a text from Simon saying we had yet another, promotional photo shoot to do, before our tour, which is coming very soon. I sighed. I knew that I should be very grateful for everything I have and I am. I just wish I could have some moments to myself, with mum at my real home, but I had to accept the facts, my life will never be the same and that's what I signed up for the moment I applied for the X Factor. I got dressed up quickly (http://www.polyvore.com/harrys_causual_outfit_to_photoshoot/set?id=49227009) and dashed out the door.

***

I knocked on mum's door, constantly swallowing because of my dry throat. She opened the door and smiled widely, I mirrored her expression and took her in for a big hug, 'thankyou so much' i whispered between tears. She took my face inbetween her hands ' you'll be amazing, do me proud, you're my beautiful girl.' I smiled weakly at this, and passed the sleeping Darcy to mum, kissing her forehead, 'i'll come collect her as soon as i'm done.' I whispered, to not wake her up. She nodded quitely and staring at her so lovingly, I slowly waved and walked back to the car. I already felt a panging pain in my heart, I missed her far too much.

***

I arrived at the studio, waiting at the lobby flicking through the magazines in front of me, I was then called into the makeup studio, waiting at the chair, I looked at the mirror in front of me. What had I become? I looked tired and my skin didn't look that great, I don't ever 

admit it, but i'm still extremely insecure about myself. I hate the image I have to portray to the media, it's not me and I feel like a big dick. I sighed, for possibly the 10th time today and closed my eyes, hoping to get this photoshoot over and done with.

***

I waited at the lobby, flicking through the magazines, feeling very nervous yet excited. 'Estee?' A young lady called. 'Yes' I smiled and stood up, fixing my dress. 'Just come through this way please.' I nodded and walked through to the elevator. The doors closed. ' You look amazing by the way.' The girl smiled Thankyou so much' I said back, The doors opened again. 'Good Luck' she said and I smiled 'Thankyou'. 'I think I need it' I whispered to myself walking away. Opening the large glass doors, to find the boss, Simon sitting down. 'Hello' I said taking my hand out to shake, he took my hand and shook them back. 'Hello, Estee. Welcome to our studios.' 'Firstly, I just want to ask a couple of questions, stay calm and relaxed, it won't take long.' I nodded gulping loudly.

A couple of minutes had passed and I thought I had done well, Simon started jotting down some notes and smiled widely, 'Congratulations, you've got the job, just sign here and here and you can get started, just after you leave' I had never smiled so hard in my life. I stood up and breathed a large 'Thankyou' and walked out of the door to once again be greeted by the same girl. 'Well done!' she loudly whispered 'I'm Emily by the way' 'Hello Emily! 'Thankyou so much again, you're great' I said while hugging her tightly, she smiled in response and walked me down a large corridor. We reached a large red door, that had a 'V.I.P' yellow star on top. Oh. 'You're first task is a photoshoot, get the make up ready, pick out the outfit and start taking the photos! Good Luck!' I grinned 'Wow, i've never worked with a celebrity before!' I practically started dancing on the spot. 'Oh don't worry, you're never going to forget this one' she said adding a wink and walking away. I wanted to ask her, but decided to just go in myself. I opened the large double doors and looked inside. Holy. Fucking. Shit. She was right, I'm definetly not going to forget this one.