joji's palms were sweaty. not this again. he felt his mind drifting to the pills, stored just a room away. why tonight? his mind led to the rooftop, the musty stairwell leading up to it. i told max i wouldn't.. he cursed himself, wiling his body to stay on his bed. i can't do this. fuck. think about max, think about chad. think about ramen. anything but death. anything. his shaking grew more violent and he pushed himself under the blankets. fuck. he muttered more curses, closing his eyes. his body started moving on it's own, out the door. he closed his door softly, as to not disturb any of his neighbors. as if he knew them anyway. they probably thought of him as a fat depressed cunt who does nothing but stress eat. neighbors aside, he started walking up the stairs. up, up, up. he slowly opened the door on the roof, it making a little creak sound. he fumbled with the door knob, his trembling hands making it hard to close it again. so, he just left it. i'm not gonna jump. i'll just sit on the ledge. i'll think. no death. his eyes closed again as he tried to breathe, but to no avail. so he made his way toward the ledge, wiping the tears he hadn't noticed were falling again. he plopped himself down, his choked sobs filling the quietness of the night.
pathetic. he thought. utterly pathetic. i can't go one goddamn day without doing this, can i? he was enveloped in his thought, so he didn't notice the creaking of the door closing, or the lanky boy that sat next to him. well, until said boy patted him on the back and whispered, "shh. its okay. you'll be okay." joji flinched at the voice. the boy smiled at him. "hey, i'm ian. i- uh- sorry if i'm bothering you, but- well- uh, may i ask why you're crying?"
