To Remember, or to Forget

CHAPTER TWO

I woke up the same way I did the first time, yet this time, words feel like sandpaper against my throat. My body is sore and my head hurts. I slowly opened my eyes and adjust to the bright lights reflecting onto me.

"Telayha" a deep voice breathes, an unfamiliar one.

I jolt my body up, shocked to hear someone I don't know voice my name.

"Relax, it's okay. It's just me" he says.

I feel my heart beat faster as I turn to look at him for the first time. My head is steady and my eyes are focused on his, studying his every feature. Dark brown eyes. Thick black hair. I break my gaze when he places his hand on my arm. It's soft, gentle even. I look down where is hand is now placed.

"Remember me?" he says with the slightest tone of hope.

I glance at the clock, it's 1:49 a.m. He looks tired, dark circles around his eyes and his voice is thick. He must be Chris. Chris, the Boyfriend.

"Chris" I said firmly.

"You remember?" he says with a mixture of doubt and excitement.

"No. Your mother told me. Where is my Aunt?"

When he hears those words, he looks down, frowning. I'm here questioning whether it's because I don't remember who he is, or that I'm asking about my aunt.

I may be twenty hundred and eight steps behind in life, so I run through my memories, that last visions I've ever had with my aunt. Aunt Catherine. She was with my cousin Eric, I remember. I remember sleeping over at their house. The lights are dimmed, the sounds of the TV are lowered. I remember the whispers Eric used to direct at me. He's crying. His eyes are filled with fear. I remember being under the bed with Eric, watching Aunt Catherine's feet shift with Uncle Mark's. Aunt Catherine is sobbing. Words barely leave her mouth because she's trying to grasp for air when crying. She's built with anger and hurt.

"No, I don't believe this. How could you do this to our family!" she yells but yet he doesn't respond. His face is straight and the way he looks at Aunt Catherine made me want to punch his face. Emotionless. Unforgiving. Careless. But why can't I remember any further?

"Telayha, Are you listening?" Chris says.

"Yes" I lie even when I haven't heard a word he said.

"Talk to me"

I turn and lock my eyes with his. "I don't remember you" I say, knowing it would hurt him more than it would hurt me. He looks away.

After a couple of seconds he gets up and starts pacing around the room. He's rubbing his hair, the moonlight is reflecting against his face.

"You have to remember me" he says looking at me. Should I feel guilty?

"Tell me about my accident. Tell me about the day of the accident" his face changes in expression. He looks away so he wouldn't have to look me in my eye. "What?".

"Nothing" he says but I know he's lying. "It's nothing" he repeats.

I stay silent, knowing I don't want to push him. I don't even know who he is, at least remember. He turns back my way.

"I'm sorry... I'm just, just not myself right now" he looks back at me. "Why don't you get some more sleep", he leans in to what it seems an attempt to kiss me. He stops. His face just inches away. I feel his breath against my face. I turn away and he hesitates to do the same. He takes his jacket and heads towards the door. But before leaving he looks back and I immediately feel intimidated.

"Sweet dreams Telayha"

And before I could say anything back, he's gone.

' * * *

It's noon, I'm finally being discharged. Alesia is here. I glance to my right and she's there cleaning up. I can tell she's tired. Her posture is poor. There's weakness in her voice. There are words that are on the edge of falling off my mouth but I don't know what. I'm not blinking, instead, I'm staring at my leg.

"You ready to go?" she asks, I nod.

I slump into the backseat of the car, afraid to discover what I'd see next and say I don't remember. We arrived to a tall building, it's sides are stained and the air is dense with a cool breeze. A car door closes shut.

"You remember this place?" she asks.

I examine the building, slowly recalling the differences since I've last seen it. Aunt Catherine's building.

"Hard to forget"

We are standing in the elevator with only silence between us. Floor sixteen. The elevator bell makes a low sound. The hallways are empty, the lights are slightly dimmed. I follow Alesia to the apartment room nervously. A sound of a knock on the door fills the silence. Aunt Catherine opens the door, her expression is sad.

"You are drunk again, aren't you?" Alesia accuses while stepping in.

The apartment is dark and messy, there are dirty dishes piled in the sink and mail spread on the floor.

"Oh please, I had enough of you" Aunt Catherine says.

I stand between the two, not knowing what to say. Aunt Catherine walks into the kitchen, pours a glass of whisky and places it on the island. She's leaning on the counter and her legs are fidgeting. Alesia stares at her in disappointment, then looks back at me, she fakes a smile.

"Let me know if you need anything okay"

"Okay" I say with a smile back.

She leaves the apartment, I glance back at Aunt Catherine. She's looking at me. I try to avoid eye contact, afraid to accept this isn't the Aunt Catherine I remembered.

"How's your head" she says.

"Good, yeah. Still recovering" I say with a nervous laugh.

"Alesia tells me you can't remember anything"

"Yeah" I whisper, not accepting that it's the truth.

She walks towards me and goes straight to the hallway, turns her head to make sure I'm following. She stops and opens the door.

"This is your room" she points.

I walk in, the room is dim, all that is left from the dying sunset. The bed sheets are wrinkled and messy.

"You still have school tomorrow" she says and although she's steps away from me, I can smell the alcohol that lingers around her. She shuts the door and I fall into bed.