Floral And Fading // Sequel to Choices

THREE : Growing Up or Kascading down

TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE

Siren

The next day I barely left my room. I only did so to get food or use the bathroom, not that either of my parents seemed to notice. I had music playing, stayed in my pajamas all day, and went through about 5 different boxes I still hadn't gone through since I packed them like 7 years ago when I was "going to live with Emmie"

It was mostly old toys I planned on giving away and a couple of old diaries I read through and barely understood.

The last box I found was the one I found out was Emmie's. It felt sort of thrilling. A box of things that hasn't seen the light of day for at least a decade. And I probably shouldn't be snooping but Emerice isn't alive anymore so it's not really like I'm invading her privacy, right?

Well, fuck it, here goes nothing.

I open the box and find the first thing, a bi pride flag? Oh, well that's cool. I knew Emmie had a girlfriend but I didn't know she was bi. Or that our parents were cool with it...

Moving on. A bunch of braclets...okay. Guess who's adding these to her collection of bracelets she never wears? yeah, me.

A small wooden box. I try to open it. Locked, of course.

A photo album?

I pick it up and place it on the floor and flip it open. The first thing I notice is a packet stapled together of a bunch of medical shit.

Not very interesting.

Wait, backtrack, Emmie got sent to a mental hospital for six months? Ooo, tea.

Skimming I see she was diagnosed with depression and some sort of schizophrenia......

Makes since that no one told me that...

I put the papers back and skim through the photos. Several of them are of her with two guys with similar haircuts. They look really familiar and I have no clue why. There's a few of her with Copeland and I smile. I took pictures of those ones and sent them to Copeland, saying 'look what I found :))'. I also silently prayed she wouldn't A) tell my dad, and B) get mad at me for sending them to her.

I get to the end and find a family picture of her holding a baby with mom and dad both sitting next to her and she's smiling widely.

I take the picture out and flip it to the back.

to future Siren Veil Fuentes, love you, little sis. The world is going to be happier with you in it ~ Love Emmie :)

Tears started to build up then. I was always told she had died before I was born, that she didn't know about me. I've been lied to for the last 15 years and for what? So it was easier to ignore me? What the actual hell?

I wiped my tears and put the picture back and put everything back in the box, until I saw a sketchbook.

What the hell, I've already snooped this far.

The sketchbook was green and had the cover drawn all over. I flipped it open only to find a folded piece of paper.

Unfolding it, I read the words carefully.

Dear stranger, congratulations! you've just found my suicide note.

A little dark to start off, I know. Look, life is absolutely wonderful for me right now. Then why the fuck are you writing a suicide note, you may ask. Well you see, everything is great right now. But I don't deserve any of it. I'm useless, worthless, basically crazy, annoyingly selfish, and I can barely take any of this. My wrists are full of self-inflicted scars, for what? because I don't know any other way to deal with it. Because everything sucks and everyone seems to absolutely hate me. Vic blames himself for not being there for me most of my life but I blame myself for never once trying to contact him. I'm pretty sure everyone else would be better off without me anyways. Less money spent on me, less energy used caring about me, less lost opportunities to be with someone who is less fucked up and crazy. Someone who doesn't hallucinate and hear voices that aren't there. I'm sure someone will eventually find this. Sure my little sister was just born and she's possibly the most happy baby I've ever met, but I just don't feel like the world needs me anymore. I should probably just finish this up before someone gets back on the bus. Anyways, I guess what I'm trying to say is, the reason I died was to make more space in the world for someone much more worth it.

Anywhore, whoever found this, sorry for making your day gloomy but life is life. And it's time mine ended,

Sincerely, Emmerice Fuentes

The sobs left my body then, prompting someone to run up the stairs and open my door.

I shut my eye tightly as my thoughts began to overlap each other. How could no one tell me? How could everyone lie to me? How could they sit there and tell me she died in a car accident when she clearly took her own life? How could they let me believe my older sister was some perfectly happy angel when she wasn't?

"Siren, Siren, Siren, calm down okay? I can't help you if you don't calm down and tell me what's wrong?"

I finally had enough focus to see the person holding onto my shipwreck of a human vessel was my mom.

I clung tightly onto her and said nothing. Maybe if I just closed my eyes tight enough and hugged her enough it would go away.

She rubbed my back in soothing circles as I slowly stopped crying. When I was okay enough to speak I wiped my eyes and gave her the note.

She read it over and sighed.

"Why? Why would all of you lie to me?"

"Siren, none of us told you because we were scared. We were scared you would hate all of us for not noticing how bad she was. I'm sorry for never telling you, sweetheart, I was just trying to protect you."

I sighed and sat back down on my floor, laying my head on my mother's shoulder and drying my eyes again.

That was the moment when my whole life started to change.