Searching for Sweetness

Chapter Three - Explosions

If it wasn't for Adam holding me up, I would've collapsed to the ground.  I was still shaking, and I couldn't form a coherent thought.  Adam was trying to talk to me, but I couldn't comprehend his words.  Everything was blurry.

          I tried to tell myself that I was dreaming, that I'd wake up and Paige would give me her signature look and say, "That's so ridiculous," and playfully punch me on the shoulder.  But I knew I wasn't dreaming, and I knew that Paige wasn't here.  Paige was missing, according to the men in front of me.

          Adam was talking with the officers about it, but the facts were staring me right in the face: Paige was gone.  Suddenly I was taken back to my conversation with Hayden.  A terrible thought consumed me.  He knew.  I shuddered.  Adam looked down at me.

          "Are you cold?" he asked.  I nodded.  I was cold, but that wasn't why I was shaking.  "Let's get you back inside."  Adam guided me away from all the people.  I felt sick, and deflated, and insane.  Paige couldn't go missing.  Everybody loved her.  I needed her.

          I couldn't believe it.  Even after Paige had told me to be more independent I needed her.  It frustrated me.  I wasn't supposed to need anyone.  I was supposed to be strong.  That was everything Paige taught me.  While she taught me how to be pretty and popular, she also taught me how to be strong in a tough situation.  This definitely qualified as tough.

          "Did you know?"  Adam's voice snapped me back to reality.  His words echoed in my head.  I didn't know.  That's what I told myself, anyway.  But I knew I was only causing myself more pain.  I did know.  I knew something was up when she called me last night.  And Hayden tried to tell me.  I wouldn't listen, but he told me.  I wanted to hate myself.  I wanted to blame myself for this whole matter.

           I couldn't.  Paige told me that she was okay, and I respected her judgment—no matter how off it was.  Paige was Paige; she knew what she was doing.  Most of the time. 

          Oh, who was I kidding?  Whenever Paige had things 'in control' it meant that she was too stubborn to ask for help.  I wanted to cry.  I seemed to want a lot of things right now.

          "Maddie?"  Adam's breath tickled my neck.  How could I not have seen the signs?  "Maddie?  Hey, the police said they're doing everything they can to bring her back.  You need to relax."  It was then that I became aware of just how rigid my body had become.  I buried my head into his shoulder; I hated when Adam saw me cry.  I knew it was coming before it happened.  I had been so passive up until now.  I was bound to cry at some point.

          It wasn't that hard to tell I was crying, though.  My tears were soaking Adam's shirt, and he noticed, too, the same time I tried to cover it up.

          "Maddie, it's okay.  You're allowed to cry.  Do you want to go up to your room?"  I nodded numbly.  Adam tentatively hoisted me in his arms.  "Was Paige acting any different yesterday?"  I shook my head.  I didn't dare mention the phone call.  "Was she being really nice to you?"

          I had to think about this.  It seemed like an odd question to ask.  Paige had disappeared; why would she be extra nice to me the day before?  If I gave it some thought, I guess she had been really nice to me.  But it was my birthday.  It made sense that she was really nice.

          Adam opened my bedroom door.  The white walls were taunting me.  They probed me to let the word tumble off my tongue.  When Adam placed me on the bed I started.  He was waiting for an answer.

          "I . . ."  I was at a loss for words.  I was distraught on whether to be completely honest or tell what I thought he wanted to hear.  If I said yes, it would be the truth, because she was overly nice to me.  If I told him no, I'd be a hypocrite after my whole speech about trust and love earlier.  I knew it would only bring us further apart if I didn't do the right thing.