String Theory

Chapter 10

With the national state of emergency siren whining softly from the car radio, Bucky can feel panic building in his chest. Since he woke up, he's felt this level of terrified only twice before; first when 018 attacked Peter, and last night, when Eggsy and Peter had come home from the Mesonet in a car riddled with bullet holes.

With the terrible shape that the car had come home in, it was damn lucky that they didn't have holes in them, too. He hadn't slept that night. Something told him to stay awake, pacing the halls of the Avengers compound, double and triple checking the windows and security systems. Karen had assured him that they were safe, and that she'd notify him if anything tripped her motion sensors.

But Bucky couldn't sleep even if he wanted to, so he kept patrolling around the compound. After a while, he began to make detours into the empty rooms, looking at the few possessions there and imagining who must have lived in this room last. Most of the decorations are sort of bland, not really his type, but at the third room, his eye catches a record player. Stacked up next to it are familiar artists on worn covers — most of these were from the 1930's, with only a little foxing around the edges, but otherwise in good shape. Inside the cover of the first Glenn Miller album that Bucky picks up is scribbled "PROPERTY OF STEVE ROGERS" and an address in Brooklyn.

Bucky's heart skips at least three beats, and he sinks to the floor. Though it hadn't taken long to figure out that Peter wasn't Steve, the gaping absence of whoever was Steve is still painfully present in Bucky's mind, and this brings it rushing back with excruciating immediacy. With his back to the wall and his knees drawn up to his chest, Bucky ghosts his fingertips along the cardboard, memorizing every little bump and imperfection. Though he can't call Steve's face to mind, it's easy to imagine Steve's hand doing the same as his own, stopping over a familiar song title or thumbing the edges of the vinyl.

After another few moment's inspection of the vinyl, Bucky stands and begins to rifle through the rest of the room; his dresser, his closet, his nightstand. The dresser is filled with neatly folded clothing, and Bucky takes the liberty of pulling out one of the shirts. Still smells like Steve. The closet is more of an armory — there are three glass display cases, two of which hold a form-fitted combat suit. One is all blue, accented with a silver star, while the other is desaturated red white and blue. The third case is empty. There are a few specialized utility items per each case — guns, comms, et cetera. Bucky traces the outline of one of the cases, and briefly considers trying the suit on, but decides against it.

The nightstand proves to be the most rewarding. There's a tattered, cracked shield resting against it. In the top drawer, a notebook, which Bucky cradles reverently for at least thirty seconds, trying to decide whether or not he should open it.

Inside, there are pages and pages of hand-drawn sketches; glimpses of things Steve saw, and judging by the way the lines occasionally become thicker and shaky, they're glimpses of things Steve felt, too. About halfway through the book, Bucky finds himself, drawn in delicate, careful strokes, smiling at something just out of sight. His breath catches in his throat. The opposing page is full of writing.

Hey, Bucky. Been missing you a lot lately. More than you could possibly know — probably more than during the war. Today was rough. We had a mission in Germany, and I couldn't help but feel your presence there with me. I mean, I always feel you with me, but... this was different. Felt like you were right by my side. You never did know when to let me fight my own battles, did you?

God, I could use someone to lean on. I'm running on empty, I think. I crashed, and then I woke up, and I've been on my feet ever since then. Stark's worn out, too. I can feel it. We both need a break. The whole team does. Things are getting strained, especially with Tony. If you were here... well. I have a feeling he'd love you. You could bring this team together in a heartbeat, but you didn't hear that from me.