Good Enough? A Downton Abbey fanfiction

Good Enough?

Elsie sat down. She felt empty.
Her sitting room was so quiet. Only the sound of her light breathing could be heard in this space.

She looked in the mirror. Then on the clock. 22:40. Then in the mirror again. She took off the corset, and observed herself. She wasn't good enough at all. The many mistakes on her body made her imperfect.. She often thought about this, and felt like a complete teenager having "problems that would go away" as her parents would have said. As a grown up woman could not have a low self-esteem? Well Elsie had and actually had a bit since she could remember. When she got her job as a housemaid at the Abbey (sooner to be housekeeper) she met Charles and that' when she fell in love, but also felt less worth. There was a lot of things that had caused her feelings. When she was young and seeing Joe Burns. He didn't treat her right. She felt used by him. Her childhood and a few memories from school had also made her the woman she was. And not would she ever be defined by this. Ever. She was not that woman. She caring, smart, loving! But not could or maybe even would she see this. And so she looked proud. Tried to hide her feelings the it grew inside of her, one to become worse..

The only thing that could distract her, was working. A part of her work was to help others, and she got away from her thoughts for a second, when helping. However, the only thing that really was making her incredibly happy was Charles. She'd been in love with him for so long, that every time she saw him, she didn't even think about the thousands of butterflies in her stomach. He made her feel alright.

It was 1924 and Christmas was just around the corner. Work had been so stressfull lately, she had'nt been thinking about anything else, at all. It was late sunday and Christmas was on Wednesday. Finally, work was over and she could enjoy a nice cup of hot tea, and a cookie Mrs Patmore had baked the other night.
"amazing" She said as she took a sip and a deeb breath, only to be interrupted by Charles, knocking her door. She didn't mind. In fact not at all.
"Hi" He said. And looked at her with a smile.
"Would you like a cuppa?"
"Maybe if the tea could wait?" Charles smiled and held something behind his back.
Elsie blushed and felt confused. "Excuse me. What?"
Charles looked for a second at her as if she just came from the moon.
"I brought os a good bottle of sherry. Would you like a glass?"
Elsie felt ashamed as she agreed and found two glasses from the kitchen. How could she be thinking like that? You could not. She cringed by the award situation.
They had long talks that night. Priceless. It was that kind of talks, she didn't mind loosing sleep over. Something happened to the conversation when time said late, and the eyelids felt a little heavier. Silence wasn't awkward. It was beautiful and thoughtful. And as they said goodnight and elsie closed her door, She felt joyful and complete. Then she went to bed.

Christmas Eve! The most joyous day of the year. Oh how she loved christmas! (not yet to know, this was going to be her best christmas of all times) After hearing the beautiful voice of Lady Mary, and the beautiful tones from the piano played by Edith, Charles tapped her shoulder and together they walked to her sitting room.

She was blushing as newer before. She remembered talking to Charles for the first time. She'd felt like this. In fact She'd fell in love, and now he had proposed to her.
What could ever make her feel more pleased? What could ruin it?

And then the thought of her being good enough for Charles faded, and she came back to reality.