Good Enough? A Downton Abbey fanfiction

Good enough? FINAL PART

"You have no idea how worthless you make me feel"

The reflection didn't answer back. As if she had imagined it. How stupid of her. It would have been nice if it had answered. Just a little word like "Yes, you are nothing" or maybe "No. Do not think about yourself like that."

But no. No answer. Just a silence that filled the room with emptiness.

How could she afford to be so sad? Charles had proposed and that was more than she would ever wish for. And still, it made her body tingle and her lips to smile when she thought about him. That night, when he'd asked her.

How happy she was! But enough was enough and it would never work. Marrige wasn't suposed to feel like you weren't good enough. And she felt so guilty cause Charles would never make her feel like that on purpose. But it would be like that. She was sure.

Mrs Beryl Patmore knew Elsie (almost) inside out, and spotted instantly when something wasn't right. Of course she'd noticed that Elsie was trying to hold out the wedding as long as she could.

"So whats wrong?" She'd asked Elsie with a caring look in her eyes.

And so Elsie'd told her what was on her mind. Not all of it, but enough for Beryl to understand what the actual problem was, and as the caring friend she was, she'd promised Elsie to talk to Charles about it.

There were nothing more Elsie wanted, than to marry the man she was so madly in love with, and apparently, were in love with her too. And for once, she felt that it maybe actually would happen!

But no hopes high. She had been disappointed before and she woudln't mind not to feel like that again.

As the days got by the mistakes got bigger and bigger and if the mirror hadn't been her enemy before. It was defiantly now. It felt as if she'd filled her heart with stones. It felt as if she had a smile laying at her desk and in the morning before she started her day, she did her hair, put clothes on and then the smile. It didn't come from her. It felt so unreal. A real smile from the bottom of her heart did came tho' when she saw Charles. It got away agin pretty fast when the thought of her making him wait cause of her own issues, but Beryl said she was going to talk to him soon, and in all desperate hope, Elsie waited, hoped and tried to avoid Charles untill then.

A new day started, and Elsie knew Beryl had talked to Charles the other night. She was terrified of what he'd said. How he'he'd reacted and if it all was going to be thrown in the trash.

"So what did he say?!"

And so Beryl spoke about how Charles had spoken about Elsie, and how it did warm her heart.

Next morning she felt wierd. Like happy, but also exited and when she remembered what Charles had said about HER yesterday to Beryl she got so tingely and felt the thousands of butterflies in her body, flying around trying to get in the right direction, like herself.

And as Charles and Elsie spoke. She found out that everyone deserved what she felt in that moment, and all her worries and issues got away. Being appreciated by the man she adored was undescribable and even a human making the darkest crime should have the chance to feel that. Worthy, great, beautiful, enjoyed.

To feel loved.