Poems and Stories

Story 3*

Title: The Venting of A Useless and Stupid Child
Feeling: Sad, Lost
Warning/s: None

I want to cry. How could I be so selfish? It's not always about me; it will never be about me. I will always be the one at the back, hidden and forever be of no importance. No matter what people say; how nice I am, beautiful, smart... I know they're wrong. They don't know the real me. If they did, then wouldn't that mean I'm the one in the wrong? No, that's not possible. I know myself. I know the darkness that resides in me. I am no angel nor am I a demon. I'm just a human being filled with so many faults. I'm just a person who set out too far into the sea that when she figured out she was drowning, it was already too late. 

I'm f—ked up. I'm a f—ked up person and no one seems to have noticed. I'm not cute, I'm ugly. I'm not nice, I'm evil. Why am I the only one who seems to see myself as that? I can't do anything right. Hell, the voices inside me even agrees- though, not all. There are some voices in me who pull me up when the negative side of me tries to drown me. Like I said, f—ked up, man. I'm a disgusting piece of garbage that was mistakenly created. I shouldn't be here roaming around the streets. I shouldn't be even typing this. Maybe, someone out there wishes I was never born. I have yet to find said person but someday, I have to face the facts. I'm a nobody. How could I ever think that I would be of some use in this world?

I'm sad. I'm scared. I hate myself. I love myself.  I doubt myself. I trust myself. I'm a freak and sometimes, I can be normal. Insane is my middle name but I'm mostly sane. Why? Why am I alive? Tears seem to flow endlessly during the night and suddenly, in the morning, I'm all smiles and sunshine and s—t, I have to stop. I was- am a happy person so where did she go? All that's left now is the feeling of contempt, anger and disarray. I try to remember who I am, why I'm here, what my purpose is but the only thing that comes to mind is my name. The deeper meaning and other answers seem to have gone and left me. Don't leave me, it's so dark and I feel so alone.