Poems and Stories

Story 4

Title: Sometimes
Feeling: Unsure, Sad, Strong
Warning/s: None

There are times when I can't help but stare at myself, times where I look at myself and notice a lot of things. I see my face looking so down and less alive as if everything in that moment had drained away from myself. A lot of times, I think about how ugly I am and of how unimportant I am to life. What am I doing here? Am I just wasting my family's space, money and time?  I think about my grades too. Are they good enough? Am I really smart? And then, in the back of my mind, a little voice tells me:

No, you're not.

I cry. I smile. I laugh. I scream. Then, I smile again. I whimper. I laugh. That's my life, right? If that's all there is to it, then, why should I continue to live? I'm a weak person. There are times when I just want to lie down and stare at noting in particular, mind blank and so, no worries will fill my thoughts. No sadness. No harsh words. No comforting voices. No crazy thoughts. No school work. No stress. It's just the blank space above me where I can just relax. I want to think that what I'm doing is enough   and that I'm not lacking in anything. I want to pretend even if it's just a small amount of time that everything is alright. I want to go back to the old days where my father was alive. I want to recall the last time I said I love you to him as well as the other fun times we had. I want to go back to where my mom was still in tip-top condition.

But you can't

That's right. I can't. There is no going back. There is only tomorrow. The past will always be in the past. Even with that knowledge, I still hope. I hope that my dad would come back one day, fine and not dead and especially, not buried deep in the sea. I hope that my mom would miraculously be healed or even better, wish that her heart attack never happened. I wish that my dad would be here so that I could tell him that I love him even if his stay with us will only be temporary.

Sometimes-

Sometimes, we wish for a lot of things. Most of the time, we don't get them.
Sometimes, we forget that we are mere mortals and so, we end up hurting ourselves as well as others.
Sometimes, we need the help of others. Usually, we end up lashing out at those who reach out to us.
Sometimes, our enough just isn't enough
A lot of times, we just want to give up and lose hope but in the end, we just keep on standing back up.