As You Please || Auston Matthews

001

Toronto was the coldest it had been all month. Winter was officially around the corner, but the weather was a few steps ahead. Once the sun dipped down below the metallic skyline, the air howling through the city hit a bone chilling -3 degrees. For many of the city dwellers, this was normal for this time of year.

Growing up and living in Canada, the cold weather was always welcoming. It brought the holidays, warm coffee and festive smells. People around the city were in a better mood. Lights and decorations danced across the sky, a feeling of togetherness swept through the air.

Today, as I walked through the nearly vacant city at 10:30pm, I didn't feel the holiday warmth I usually did. The store fronts were dark. The groups of people had dwindled to a few here and there, and the air was cold and unwelcoming.

For the last three hours, I had been sitting in my office, dialing my long-term boyfriends phone number over, and over, and over again. Worry had ripped through me and dissipated. Annoyance had swelled in my stomach and retreated. I had run the gauntlet of emotions until I had finally accepted the fact that whatever had happened, had happened.

Hunter and I had been dating for nearly six years. We had met in our senior year of high school and somehow lasted through college and into the real world. After graduating, we both got well paying jobs in Toronto and moved into a loft right outside of the heart of the city.

To sum it up, everything was perfect.

Until today.

We had spoken nearly all morning and afternoon through texts. He had agreed to pick me up from work around 7:30pm, so I didn't have to brave the cold. We agreed on dinner, a movie, and a bottle of Cabernet.

At 4:00pm, he stopped answering after sending me a quick note that he was home. From 4:00pm to now, I had run through every emotion I had in my brain. I went through every scenario and finally stopped when acceptance rushed through my body.

A heavy sigh left my lips in the form of a white cloud as I stopped at another street corner. Cars sped past me as I looked up toward the velvety sky, wishing that the night would just end. I was exhausted from the stress. My chest hurt from the near panic attacks I had over what could have possibly happened to him. Every extremity was trembling from the cold. I had not walked out of the house in my winter coat and accessories. I was in a Patagonia zip up, a pair of low boots and a knit scarf.

When I had hit the Queens Street Bridge, I knew I had only another fifteen or so minutes before I would reach the lobby of my apartment building. I wasn't ready to face whatever was behind my apartment door. I wasn't ready for the fight.

When I had reached the center of the bridge, I took a moment to lean against the rail and look off into the city. Small snowflakes were starting to dance down from the clouds. Every few minutes, a strong wind would howl across the water and send the small flakes flying in different directions.

It was captivating. All the time I had lived in Canada, every time I had walked through Toronto in the winter, I had never taken the time to stop. I always had a meeting, a class, a mark on my calendar. Always rushing, always thinking, always planning.

Now, all I had to do was exist.

A vibration knocked me from the picturesque view. The cell phone in my jean pocket was buzzing. A small wave of shock rushed through me before I exhaled a long sigh and pulled the phone to my eye level.

Hunter

My fingers were nearly numb as I swiped the green circle across the screen and put the device to my ear. "Hello?" I blinked hard as the man immediately started talking. The burst of sound to my ear caused my teeth to grind together. Scrunching up my face, I pulled the phone away from my face until the man stopped speaking on the other end.