Letters to Laurel

Chapter 3: Saying goodbye

"Catherine asked if I could come over a few hours before the funeral." I tell my mum, who's currently sitting at our dining table. "Okay honey, be safe." My mom smiles at me. I nod in reply.  The past few days we haven't talked much. Not that I really want to talk about what happened, but it's weird. Normally mom and I always talk and laugh together, but we've barely spoken. We both just don't really know what to say.

Catherine's house isn't that far from where we live, only a 10 minute walk. Perks of living so close to each other. 10 cold minutes later I stand in front of their cute little home. It really was a home, a safe place, a place where everyone was always happy and welcome.  

Right when I'm about to ring the doorbell the front door opens. "I saw you through the window" Catherine's sweet, loving voice told me. "You took me of guard for a second." I say. After a quick apology we walk in.

As I take a seat on the couch, she takes place on the other one. "I wanted to talk to you about something." I nod in response, so she could continue. "I don't want to stay here." This shocked me. She's lived here for as long as I can remember. "I lost my man here, I lost my only child, I lost my everything in this house, Brinly. The house is too big for just me and it holds too many memories. I'm selling it. Tonight, after the funeral I'm going to my sister's house. I'm staying  there until I find a house there. Even if I wanted to stay, I can't.  I'm moving a few hours away from here. Away from the pain."

This broke my heart. Catherine is like family to me, I don't want to lose her too. "Well I can still visit, right?" my hopeful eyes looked up to hers. My voice broke, signaling I'm on the verge of tears. All of my hope quickly left when I saw her look down. "I'm moving to the east coast, hours away." my heart broke a little more. Before I can say anything, Catherine continues. 

"I know Laurel is like a sister to you ... well was." a tear rolled over her cheek. "So if you want to you can go take a look in her room and take whatever you want." She says as she stands up. "I'll be in the kitchen if you need me."  "What about her grave?" I ask her. "Won't you visit?" She looks down again and shakes her head. "Maybe once a year. I'm taking a part of her with me." She doesn't give me a chance to react as she disappears to the kitchen.

Slowly I make my way upstairs. The door to Laurel's room was open, showing me her baby pink walls from far away. She always loved baby pink. Tears spring to my eyes to moment I step inside. Do I even want to take something? My eyes skim her room and fall onto her perfume cupboard. Walking over to it I grab her signature scent, along with the angel charm that was draped over the bottle. I gave her this chain for her 18th birthday last month. Laurel was almost year  older than me. She always took every chance she could to tell me I was young and a baby. I grab all of the pictures that include the both of us. This is all I need. 

As I walk through her room, my eyes fall on something interesting. A drawing. She always wanted this as a tattoo.   I take the drawing with me and make my way back downstairs. Catherine nods at me as I walk towards the door, letting myself out. 

A few hours later I stare at myself in the mirror. My light brown hair lighting up my outfit. I decided to wear a pretty simple outfit. A black long sleeved dress with black ankle boots and my leather jacket.  My hand grabs the angel charm that proudly hangs around my neck. I think it's time.

Once I arrive downstairs my mom is waiting for me together with my dad. He came home to be there for me today. Since Laurel died I have barely spoken. To mom, to dad, to anyone. But tomorrow I'll have to go back to school. I'll have no choice. I'll have to talk, interact, be happy, pretend. That's all it is, pretending. Because I'm not really happy, I'm hurt and sad and lonely.

"Ready?" My dad's deep voice echoes through our living room. 

Standing in front of the church I sigh. This is it. While making my way in I look around, there's a lot of people already. Some people from school, some of Catherine's friends, Laurel's old teammates. I take a seat on the front row, right in time for the funeral to begin.

"If Brinly Hart could please walk towards the altar to give her speech." all eyes are on me as I stand up and walk to the altar. I clear my throat and take a deep breath before beginning. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry. I say to myself.

"Uhm hi everyone. For those of you who don't know I'm Brinly, I am, or well was, Laurel's best friend. But she was more than that." I take another deep breath as I continue. "She was like a sister to me. I am truly blessed to have known Laurel, we all have. Laurel had such a kind heart. She wanted to be a nurse. Mostly because of her mom, Catherine. But also because she loved helping people. Laurel really had her heart in the right place. She was one of the most selfless people I've ever met. And I couldn't be more thankful for meeting her. She was the light in the lives of so many people. But we'll all have to move on without her. She'll always be in our hearts. And when it's dark, just look for her star, because in darkness look for stars. That's what Laurel taught me. She always told me to be creative when I was sad. And well I'm sad, so I decided to be creative by writing this speech. Today, this is my letter to you. Love you always, Bri." I walk back to my chair sniffing, a few tears rolling over my cheeks. 

After the funeral I said my goodbyes to Catherine and realized that this is it. This was our goodbye. This is the moment my whole life changed. During the car ride home my mind wanders back to the drawing. 

"Hello, Sandra from ink then think speaking. How can I help you?" The woman on the other side of the phone enthusiastically said.

"I'd like to make an appointment. For a tattoo."