I knew I wasn't good enough (Jungkook x bts)

Chapter 4

Author's POV
After Jungkook was done with his business, he went back out and saw that everyone was already done eating and were just talking amongst each other. He went back to his seat and listened on to there conversations quietly.

" No seriously tho i think this is our best song yet" Jin said "well it is really good" Rm replied "Right"
"But have you guys been reading the comments?" Jimin asked "Well yeah" everyone but Jungkook replied. "How 'bout you Jungkookie? Been reading comments about how you're the center in this song" Taehyung teased
Not knowing how much this simple comment affected Jungkook so much "huh?" Jungkook asked perplexed on what Taehyung just told him "Oh come on acting very humble i see, but come on we all know you don't get affected by this kind of stuff" Suga said "uh no i do get affected by this kind of stuff big time" was what Jungkook wanted to say but later on  thought that what Suga meant by what he said was that it's  because he didn't have the right to feel affected by such comments and decided on replying with a simple "Yeah" and after his reply the conversation continued as if nothing had even happened.

Yeah this is just how it is, its not their fault...
Jungkook tried to reason out to himself,
I should be able to handle this alone.
I should just suck it up and change... yeah change.

(A Few hours later)
The bts members were back at the dorms some taking a rest and others doing their own things. Jungkook then decided on going to the company to practice one final time for their first performance of I Need U tomorrow.
"Umm hyungs I'll just go to the company to practice for a bit" Jungkook announced "Alright then just don't stay to late" Jin reminded "Yeah and don't work too hard, don't want you taking all the attention, hehehe, Just kidding" Taehyung joked.
Jungkook silently went out of the dorms and jogged to the company.

As soon as he arrived at the practice room he wasted no time in plugging his phone to the speaker and started moving to the beat of i need u. Most if not all would think that Jungkook didn't need all this extra practice, because if one were watching him right now they would think his performance was perfect, but not for Jungkook. As he watched his every movement on the mirror all he could see was talentless, fat, sloppy movements, and imperfections.

What is happening to me? Was i really that blinded that i couldn't see all this before? Am i really not good enough?
Was all he could think about at that time. Without Jungkook even realizing he spent almost 4 hours in the practice room, and by the end of it he felt like collapsing and never waking up. He spent about 10 minutes on the floor laying down, he took his phone out to check the time and it read 1:49am. He took a few more minutes gathering his things, and proceeded on walking back home.

He silently entered the dorm, went to take a shower and when he was finally about to go to sleep it was already 2:57.

(A few more hours later)
Jin was the first to wake up at around 6:30 am as they needed to prepare early for their performance that day. He went to the bathroom took a shower and changed clothes, by the time he was done the rest of the members were awake aside from Jungkook. The other members did their morning routines, Jin procided to wake Jungkook up "Jungkookie wake upp!!!" Jin shouted and shook him so hard but no, no sign of waking up and he remembered a technique he learned to wake Jungkook up. "Pinchy pinchy here i come" Jin thought smirking, and then Jungkook sat up with such wide eyes you'd think they'd fall out "Hyung" Jungkook whined rubbing his eyes "Ohh don't hyung me, its time to get up come on" jin pulled on Jungkook's arm "yeah yeah I'll get" satisfied with Jungkook's reply he got up and went out of Jungkook's room. Jungkook tried standing up but felt how tired his muscle were from the hard practice he did last night without any stretches before and after "Stupid stupid stupid" Jungkook thought mad at himself for forgetting such important parts during a practice. Well he decided to ignore the pain and went on with his morning in a hurry as they needed to be there by 8 am.

(Time skip)
It was already their time to perform, J-hope reminding the members the key points in their performance "Jungkook don't forget to move away from the center at my line quit blocking the way, Rm don't extend your arms to wide, Jimin..." and so on and so forth. Hearing Hobi's reminder Jungkook knew he shouldn't be offended and hurt but he can't help but take it to heart that his hyung thought he blocked his way. They went on stage going to their positions.

(After the performance)
Sejin announced that they were up for 1st place and the group decided to have a talk "We shouldn't feel hurt if we lose alright, lets not expect too much"Rm reminded "But i can't help but to expect, its inevitable" Suga said "I know, but don't get discourage even if we lose okay, bangtan bangtan bangtan" "It's time to go back on stage" the staff reminded.

Jungkook didn't know when it started but he suddenly felt sick and light headed, holding on to the wall as they went back on stage. Being forced to show your okay was never easy, but Jungkook got used to it. "Okay the winner's this week... Yes, Bts congratulations" to say the members were surprised is an understatement. They procided with their speeches still feeling shocked some were teary eyed, But Jungkook looked as if he was lost because he really felt like passing out at that time he didn't have the energy to clap to do anything actually. As i need u started the members hugged each other but without Jungkook, when he was about to approach them they separated it's fine, it's just a hug they're just happy but can't i be part of that happiness, Can't i feel accepted? Why can't i be good enough?
Was what Jungkook felt and thought.

Author's note
Hii its been almost 2 years, im really really sorry if i only updated now... but I'll update regularly now my update schedule will be every Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday ( sometimes Monday) for all of my books but ill start with this for now and post chapters of my other book later. I just really felt lost and unmotivated for the past year and im alright now and i think ill continue to be alright. Im not sure if this chapter was nice, im still kind of getting used to writing again... again im really sorry and thank you for waiting and being patient for me. Stay safe and take care.