Rendezvous in August (Astrology #1)

XXVI

RIA 26

My eyes were heavy as soon as I calmed down.

I was about to wipe the tears left in my eyes when my Mama did it first. I watched how her soft, wet eyes looked at me—-as if she was trying to remember how I looked in her memories and trying to soak in how I look now.

And I did the same to her. Her deep chinky eyes were as expressive as ever. The fine lines around her eyes were a beautiful symbol of her beauty defined as time passed by.

It hurt to remember that back then whenever the people I know said as I grow older I look like my Mama I hated it.

Ngayon, I loved the idea of it. The reality that when I reach her age I will look like her. O baka nga mas maganda pa ang Mama ko kaysa sa'kin.

"How are you?" Mama asked me after a few moments of silence.

I smiled at her. "Okay naman po."

It's on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it to her immediately. The truth that I am carrying. It was a long overdue secret and it needs to be said as soon as possible. Pero nang makita ko ang saya sa mukha ng kapatid at ni Mama ay nagbago ang isip ko.

What's a day or two compared to the years that the secret was buried?

Pero hindi ako makapapayag na aalis ako rito nang hindi nila nalalaman ang nalaman ko—-ang totoo.

My Mom's eyes never left me even when we settled ourselves in our garden.

Ang kaninang tahimik at bakanteng garden ay napuno ng pagkain. In just a few minutes, my Mom managed to pull out a simple tea party for the 3 of us.

Inilabas n'ya ang cake na kanina n'ya pa tapos na i-bake bago ako dumating. Recka placed the vintage antique teapot on the table made of metal. I stood up—-attempting to help her place the tea cups she was holding but she shook her head instead.

"Okay lang, ate," she smiled.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. Umayos na lang ako nang upo at pinagmasdan silang mag-ayos.

Years ago, the two of us were the ones who would set up everything here. Mahilig si Mama sa tea parties lalo na kapag linggo. Be it with us or her amigas here in the province. Wearing our colorful maxi dresses, we always found ourselves giggling over something silly while enjoying our teas and clubhouse sandwiches then.

"How are you?" My Mom asked as soon as we settled down.

In a small voice, I said my thanks to Recka when she filled my teacup with green tea. I lifted my gaze to my Mom as my finger traced the body of the cup. The heat sipped through my skin—-it made me feel present.

"Natanong ko na kanina pero I wanna know more than your answer earlier. Mag-kwento ka!" She encouragingly smiled at me. "How were you in school, in your career, and uh. . . in your love life?"

I was slightly taken aback with her questions. She wanted me to tell her about how I did in the past. Does that also include my hatred for her back then? Hindi ko nasabi sa kanya noon ang totoong dahilan kung bakit gusto kong mag-shift bigla ng kurso. Hindi ako naging tapat sa kanya noon kung bakit bigla ko na lang gustong bumukod at hindi na umuwi rito sa amin.

All I thought was this is not gonna be about me. Na ang lakad kong to ay para lang masabi ko sa kanya—-sa kanila ang sikreto ni Papa at ang katotohanang may kapatid kami sa labas ni Recka. That's all!

But who am I kidding? They'll want to know the whole truth. And as much as I am ashamed of what I felt and done in the past, it was a part of the truth.