//; i don't even get to celebrate for 4k but wE ALREADY HIT 5K I LOVE MY GAY NUGGETS
twenty four.
got me looking so crazy right now _____
when donghyuck woke up, he was throwing up everything he had inside.
he found himself kneeling over the toilet, forcing himself to let out things he swallowed before. tears were running down his face as he felt his throat hurting, his body aching everywhere. flushing the toilet, he tried to stand up, knees almost giving up.
"donghyuck?"
donghyuck was sniffing louder as he leaned on the wall of the bathroom, mark's voice heard from the outside. knocking then followed but donghyuck was already drowning in his tears to even care.
mark pushed the unlocked door slowly, peering inside to looked at the younger.
"hyuck.." he went in and brought donghyuck to his arms.
the younger kept sobbing as he hid his face on mark's shoulder, his hands holding tightly to his shirt.
donghyuck felt so disgusted.
he don't even had a courage to look at himself now. he knew, one look and he would be crying again. donghyuck didn't want to look at the marks that miguel left on his body, didn't want to acknowledge the pain of his lower body, didn't want to feel of hatred towards hinself gawning inside him.
even a glimpse of himself was enough to made him throw up, he didn't want to think what looking at his own self completely would make him do.
he found himself pushing mark away.
donghyuck can't do this, he don't want mark to do this to him. he expected mark to left him, to not care at all and ignored him. he expected mark to hate him with all his guts, that's what donghyuck wanted him to do. he didn't want mark to love a person like him, someone who can't fight back when he's in danger.
donghyuck knew he was weak yet he's still trying to be some sort of hero. now that it happened, he can't do anything but to just regret everything.
he should've just stay with mark. he wasn't supposed to be wondering alone, if he were in the club then it might not happen. if he just continue to search for mark, it wouldn't happen. if only, donghyuck wasn't considerate enough to turn back, he could've avoided it.
"i told the police about it but they just ignored me. they said when they looked at the cctv, it seemed like you were willing to do it.. your actions towards him wasn't enough to be qualify as rape."
as mark said that, he felt his heart burn again. he can't believe that the police had a nerve to said that. they don't even look like they care much about his words and even joked about it.
"i was intoxicated! i-i, i can't do anything, i'm-" donghyuck choked on his words, his throat tightening.
"it's okay hyuck, i know."
mark glared at the floor as donghyuck started to cry harder, his grip getting stronger as he tried to get himself together. mark patted donghyuck's back hesitantly, not missing the way the younger flinched at his sudden movement.
"i'm sorry mark."
mark closed his eyes as he just pulled donghyuck closer, letting the boy cried as much as he wanted. the words of redemption never stop coming out from his lips, his voice soft and strained.
mark was frustrated with himself. he don't know how to handle this, it just happened so suddenly that he can't help but to felt horrible. donghyuck didn't deserve any of it and it's his fault, it's a mistake to left him alone.
this was supposed to be a day where both of them enjoy everything given by them in that country. it's been so long since they had a trip alone, just both of them. donghyuck even planned everything for this day only, to places they wanted to visit and foods they wanted to try. to watch the sunset and take pictures everywhere. to go shopping and eat together, donghyuck was ready to spend this day with mark.
it's not even that long since donghyuck had realized how much he loved mark and all he wanna do is to just get everything done with the older. donghyuck wanted to tell mark what he love about him, about how amazing mark is, about how great he is when work is and about him being a wonderful person of all.
but that night was unfortunate.
donghyuck knew miguel was bad news, he wasn't suppose to even be close with him. if only he knew about his jealousy towards mark and his company earlier, donghyuck wouldn't even talk to him. that guy was horrible, he knew how to hurt mark where it hurts the most and that's what made everything worser.
"let's clean you."
at the sound of that, donghyuck quickly shook his head. he don't want mark to look at him. donghyuck was never one to get insecure about his body but now, he don't even want to think about it. "n-no, don't-" donghyuck tried to push mark away but the older just cupped his face, caressing it fondly.
"please, do this for me? i know that you don't want to do it but we gotta make sure you're clean, just, do this for me."
donghyuck were trembling under mark's gaze, his whole body quivering, his pupils dilating. mark can't imagine how the younger felt but at the moment but he need to help donghyuck. donghyuck needs him.
"you love me right? then do it for me, please."
mark stood up, reaching out his hand for donghyuck that was still quiet at the floor.
then the younger looked up, a glint of hope barely shining inside his once wonderful eyes - now nothing but a cold and lifeless ones - and took mark's hand, standing up hesitantly.
mark can still saw the fear inside donghyuck's eyes, the way his body unconsciously try to push away anything and it hurts him. it hurts mark to saw the younger suffering.
it hurts to saw donghyuck losing himself.
_____
not even half a day and i'm already tired.
in this day where 2018 would end, for me personally it was very depressing.
with wanna one's disbanding, mark's graduation and literally just everything, i'm tired already.
huh
but then, we also got an early new year gift from sm
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