Begin Again

Chapter Seventeen

I left the film art room and immediately stopped right outside the door. The sunlight hit my eyes with astonishing force and I was obligated to close them for a few second to try and adapt to the sunlight. When I finally opened my eyes again Nora was standing right in front of me which, to be quite honest, took me a lot by surprise.

"Dudee!" I jumped back, "What the hell man, how did you even get here?"

"See I just had art, which is right next door in case you haven't noticed, and I got a text from Serena saying I should escort you to the cafeteria" she smiled at me.

"This is ridiculous I don't need an escort Nora, I'm not 5" 

"Fine but I figured you'd like some company. Plus I don't want to stand in line alone anyways." she smiled again. Sometimes I don't understand how people can smile so much, it must get boring after a while. Or maybe I'm just having a bad day today. I looked at her skeptically.

"Come on now, before the tortilas finish" she grabbed my hand and lead me towards the caffeteria. Today for some unknown reason the line was much longer than usual. Nora and I stood under the sun for about 20 minutes before finally getting our food. 

"Two tortillas please, no sauce" Nora ordered. She also insisted in paying for our food. Even though it was nice of her I was getting sick and tired of people acting like my freaking mother died. *Knocks on wood*. I was fine and I could take care of myself. I didn't need escorts nor people to pay for my food, I could do both alone like I did everyday. 

We walked back to our lunch area and sat at our usual table. We were later joined by Serena and Alice. The four of us talked about everything but Theo which made me feel much better. If people wanted to help me that's all they had to do. Keep me distracted from everything going on around me, even if it was just for a second. Of course the only thing other people wanted to do was remind me of my poor decisions when it came to boys. Or when it came to Theo in particular. 

"Hey there Savannah" this guy, Tom, said, sitting down at our table. He was in my grade and even though he hung out with Zayn and the rest of the boys I didn't get a good vibe from him. Plus Nora had told me about several occasions where he was plainly mean to her. I don't remember he even speaking to me once before, and by the look on his face he didn't come to me to ask about math homework.

"Anything I can do for you?" I asked him. Part of me was afraid of what he might say but I tried hiding my fear, keeping my voice steady and strong.

"Yeah, actually" he smirked back at the table Zayn and the boys were sitting. I noticed Harry laughing then looking down at his plate again. This is not going to be good. "I was actually wondering if you could tell me how you do it?"

"Do what?" I found myself asking.

"Oh you know, get an older boyfriend, then get naked for him right after you get together? I mean, I thought girls like you liked to wait? I mean you didn't even know what a handjob was right? But maybe you're not as much of a saint as everyone else thinks" he stops to look around, "I mean, I've gotta say, you move pretty fast Savannah" he winked at me, stood up from the table and went to meet his friends again. All of them were laughing. Even Zayn. He kept looking at me for a little longer than the others, disappointment clear in his stare, before turning back around. All my friends kept quiet unsure of what to say. Nora tried taking my hand in hers, but I pulled away.

I grabbed my bag and my lunch tray and left the lunch area. I felt embarrased and ashamed and I wondered why I ever believed in anything Theo said. There's a reason guys like him don't date, and I should've known no one would ever pick me to be their first girlfriend. No one would ever pick me. I felt a knot form at my throat but I was not going to cry. Not over some stupid boy who knows nothing about me. Absolutely nothing. I walked back to the other side without any particular destination in mind, and before I knew it I was sitting under the tree next to the soccer field. I sat there, looking straight ahead. I didn't even feel like crying anymore. I don't know why I ever thought a pretty boy could fixed me, when I was broken by another one a few years ago. I'm still not ready to talk about what happened with Alex but just know, whatever it was, it wasn't pretty. I don't think even Serena realizes how deep he dug his claws into me, and I'm not ready to tell her yet. I felt grateful that none of my friends followed me here, last thing I needed was for one of them to see me like this.  I was stupid to think Theo was going to be good to me. He's a player afterall, and I'm never going to be the kind of girl that gets a player to fall in love with her. I'm never going to be the kind of girl who gets anyone at all to fall in love with her. I came here hoping for a clean slate and all I get is more judgmental bastards who should learn how to mind their own business.