Begin Again

Chapter Eighteen

Niall and I walked into the science room and I headed towards my usual spot next to Collin. Even though it was almost time for class we were the only ones in the room.

“Why are you sitting there?” asked Niall

“It’s where I usually sit, and you should probably switch places as well”

He raised his eyebrows at me.

“That’s Zayn’s spot”, I explained.

He grabbed his bag and sat on the table behind.

“Okay now come and sit next to me”

I decided to take him up for it. I was pretty sure Collin was going to make some inappropriate comment about everything going on and even though I knew he was just messing around I wasn’t in the mood for any of that. Niall and I sat in silence next to each other until the rest of the people started coming in. Zayn and Liam walked in and sat down at their usual spots as well. Which, in Zayn’s case, was right in front of me.

“Hey” he said to Niall, “Didn’t know you were this class man”

“I wasn’t, but then it was the only one who allowed me to have Band as an elective” said Niall.

“Oh all right then” Zayn said laughing. He turned to me and smiled, “Hey Sav”

“Hi” I said. Not laughing, or smiling, not even looking at him. So we’re friends now? Lol funny. He seemed to notice that I wasn’t pleased with him, but was fortunately smart enough not to say anything about it.

“Good afternoon class” said Mr. Pace as he walked in the room. He seemed a little more tired than usual. “Today I’ll be grading your PowerPoint presentations from last class. You, on the other hand, will be working on some questions on the last unit we studied. You may work in pairs”

I looked at Collin and he looked like he was ready to swallow me whole. I mouthed a “Sorry” back to him but he flipped me off. Mr. Pace started handing out our work sheets, when Zayn turned around and looked at me.

“Need anything?” I asked sarcastically.

“Do you want to work with me, since we can work in pairs?”

“I’m working with Niall” I gave him the fakest smile I could master and started filling out the answer sheet.

“Oh okay” he said, turning back around. That’s when Niall elbowed me hard, in the stomach.

“Ouch! What the hell Niall what was that for?” I asked whispering rather loudly

“Why did you say no?!”

I laughed; I mean he couldn’t possibly be serious.

“The real question is: Why would I say yes?”

“Because you obviously like him and you need to talk” he said 

“I don’t like him, stop saying that and I don’t need to talk to him, I’m not his friend otherwise he would’ve defe-“

“Hey Sav”, said Zayn suddenly interrupting me. I felt my heart beating faster and faster by the minute. Did he hear what Niall said? Did he hear what I said? Oh God no please not now, “What did you get for 2. B)?” Relief travelled through my body and I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding.

“Not there yet” I said, still cold as ice. I turned back to Niall, “Stop with this stupid nonsense. We’ll talk in choir”.

The rest of the class went by quickly and Niall and I were able to finish every question on the answer sheet even before class was over. I wasn’t in the mood for small talk so I just sat in silence, looking ahead of me. I do this a lot, since I was a little girl actually. I shut the whole world off and I get lost in my thoughts. Lately I’ve been scared to do so, afraid that my mind would wander off somewhere it shouldn’t. Somewhere dark. Somewhere deep inside me. Somewhere I pretend doesn’t exist most of the time, but I know it’s there. Most importantly, somewhere no one will ever be able to reach. My therapist says I should tell someone. “It will help you”, she says. But how am I even supposed to know I can trust anyone, at all? I mean after what happened, I trusted someone again and look where that led me. I’m the school’s joke now.  I got so lost in thought I didn’t even realize Zayn and I were the only people in the room. FUCK SHIT SHIT SHIT FUCK ZAYN AND I ARE THE ONLY PEOPLE IN THE ROOM! DAMN YOU NIALL FUCKING SCREW YOU. Okay, it’s okay. Act casual. Act cool.