Worlds Apart (Completed)

Chapter 16: Smiling Could be Difficult

"Good morning Auntie." my voice heavy from sleep.

"Oh good morning dear." she perks up, hearing my voice and comes out from the kitchen into the living room with a plate of pancakes in her hands. I sat down on the chair with my hands on the table. "Girl, what happened to you? Did you sleep well last night?" Her voice filled with concern. I look at her and pass her a weak smile in agreement. "You don't seem like you had a proper rest dear. I'm concerned about you."

"I'm fine Auntie, don't stress yourself over me." I try to ease her though she was right, I didn't get much rest last night.

Was it obvious from my face? All I could do last night was toss and turn on the bed, just at the last moment when sleep engulfed me, my alarm beeped, waking me up. All night long my thoughts revolved around; what should I do and what should I not do, was I hurting people along the way? How many have I hurt from my behavior knowingly or not knowingly? I needed to be careful from now on. This was my problem and only I needed to face it, no one has to pay for it. He was right. I'm glad he showed me the way, I was being too naive.

"You alright dear?" aunt Anna's voice breaks me from my reverie.

"Uh... Yeah, auntie." A hesitant smile appears on my face.

"You can tell me whatever's bothering you, child. I'm a good listener." she puts an assuring hand on my shoulder and somewhat I relax at her touch.

I miss my mother now, I haven't talked to her for two days and I know she'd be worrying about me. I better call her soon before she berates me over it and asks me to immediately come back.

"You woke up earlier than usual today?" her voice brings me back again.

"Well, I guess I couldn't sleep after all," I confess not knowing what to reason her with.

"Oh dear, is there a problem with the bed or anything you don't feel comfortable with?" she asks anxiously.

"No. No, nothing's wrong with anything I was just stressed with thinking... stuff." I admit. She passes the pancakes to me and I grab the fork and knife from the cutlery set placed in the middle of the table.

"Sarah, don't stress yourself over things. Your mother worries about you. She is afraid that you might break down because of your stress, she told me you have been so strong throughout the things that happened and she also knows that you are pretending for everyone's sake when inside you are totally broken." She takes a deep breath. "Let it out once and for all girl." her voice soft and I just nod at her words.

"It isn't that easy auntie." the pancakes lay untouched and I fidget with the knife in my hands. She scoots near to me and hugs me tight in her arms and I lean into her touch. So warm, just like maa. Now I miss her even more.

"It isn't but you have to do it for others and yourself sweetheart. It's probably the most difficult thing in the world but you have to do it." her voice gentle and it warms me up. She moves back and looks at my face and smiles sweetly at me. "When your uncle died it was probably the hardest time for me but I made this decision, I won't grimace any longer. I wanted everyone to see me happy and I wanted to be happy myself and so I came here. However, it was also one of the hardest decision but worth taking. I'm happy here and my family's happy for me too." her voice low and she looks down at her hands.

"Auntie... Staying away from your family is hard, don't you ever plan to go back?" I ask her and she chuckles lightly.

"Sarah, you think I'm probably too much of a wrecked woman, don't you? I visit my family often." her face amused "Your mother didn't tell you much."

"I think she was keeping your secrets." I start nibbling on my pancakes.

"Yeah. Guess so, she would have considered your reaction towards me would be different if she told you so, she wouldn't want you to pity me." Suddenly remembering something her eyes went wide. "Oh! And your mother called twice, yesterday and was asking for you. She is worried about you." I grunt after listening, the bite of pancake halfway to my mouth but I drop the fork back to my plate.