Free Me From the Wolves

[24] Compassion and Corruption

"You thought I didn't want to talk about what we were gonna do after high school, but I did—I do," Ryder began as I still sat in shock. "I want to marry you, Ashlynn. I want that more than anything, and every fiber of my being is telling me that you want that too..."

The first time I thought about marrying Ryder was when I was talking to his mom about Marc. I could picture an entire life together full of passion and spontaneity, instead of complacency and straying like with Merida and Marc. Sure, I had joked around with Ryder about prenuptial agreements in terms of sharing whatever wealth he thought my father left for me, but I saw the look on his face when I said it and assumed he wasn't into it. Even Stella said Ryder wouldn't be the marrying type.

But yet here he was saying he wanted to marry me and that he was going to. And considering he was somehow justifying the pack's consolidation, he had thought about it much longer than I had. I sat, listening to him explain that if we got married, I'd be his Luna indefinitely and Andrew would be left alone—not enough to be considered a pack at all. No matter what happened, he'd be alone unless someone else in our family (which was no one) phased, he Bit someone (which wouldn't happen), or if by some series of events, Aaron remained as a wolf and joined him (which was highly doubtful). Ryder's plan was intended to keep Andrew safe.

He reached out to grab my hand and the touch almost shook me from my trance.

"I'm not trying to force you into anything, but I'm being serious about this, Ash," he said in the same calm voice he always seemed to have when he wanted me to really listen. But it was different than when other people did it because with him, the softness wasn't just some cover-up for some passive bullshit he was trying to cajole me with. "I don't just want to go through life comfortable with just calling you my girlfriend while knowing you're my mate. I love you too much for that and I think you deserve to be my wife at some point. I know we haven't talked about our future and all that, but this is my non-negotiable and if it's not what you want then I guess we'll have to break up here and now. It's not that I'd ever want to, but I—"

I interrupted him in the only plausible way I knew how. I kissed him. I had thrown myself at him and by instinct his hands found my waist as we fell onto the floor in an embrace I had desired for a long time now. All the discomfort I had characterized from before was long gone because it was sensations of yearning and passion for intimacy with Ryder. But somehow I pulled away.

"I love you," I told him as I sat on his hips. "I don't want my brother to be part of your pack, but I do want to marry you eventually."

He reached a hand up to my face to push my hair back and run a thumb along my cheek.

"Maybe we can work out Trevor's suggestion for now, but in the long run, it'll be tough," he muttered.

"'Long run' being after we get married?" I asked with a smile. He smiled and let out a breathy laugh. "I guess we should've talked about this the night Cassandra asked. It was my fault to assume you didn't want to talk about it, so I'm sorry. Considering you made such a big revelation, I'm assuming you finally want to talk about it? Because I'm all in this time."

"Stop assuming," Ryder suggested. I winced into a frown for a second. "The last thing I do right now is talk."

Before I could question him, he was raising up in order to press his lips against mine. I couldn't exactly compare the feelings to just this week because kissing Ryder was always so blissful. It was the lower body activities that were stimulated within the past week or so that I was no longer nervous to explore. The biological aspect had to do with all the hormones coursing through us as teenagers and as werewolves on a full moon night, but in actuality, it was more than that. I had grown more and more comfortable with Ryder. I loved him more and more through whatever hindrances we had. Our bond was there before love. Our deeper feelings were there before the surface level facts. But the spaces were filled and I wanted to share the rest of me with him.