You were happy

Pt9

Taehyung was always there, when he wasn't it was Jungkook or one of the other boys except for Jimin. He made sure it was never Jimin. You didn't need to see him, not right now-not after everything that had happened. Taehyung wanted to make sure you weren't alone; he was afraid you'd think it was a dream again.
You'd described the man that had taken you in detail to the police after you'd gotten yourself into a stable position. After the first week of your recovery they'd squeezed as much information as they could out of you before finally letting you get some rest. They had yet to actually catch the man, Hanseul you'd told them, that had kidnapped you at Jimin's party.
Taehyung was there that first night, holding onto your hand, when you woke up screaming with uncontrollable tears in your eyes. He'd been in such a panic that he'd hit the light switch instead of the nurse's call button. He nearly climbed onto your bed to hold your head and smooth your hair down.
"It's okay, he's not here. It's me-it's only me." He'd whisper over and over again with tears in his eyes until you finally stopped seeing that dark room and started seeing Taehyung and the bright white of the hospital. The nurses had taken to giving you meds that would keep you calm during the night, but you always awoke in a fit of screams anyways. He made sure he was always there, holding onto you until your face pressed into his shoulder and your broken sobs quieted into soft snores. He hated it; he hated the thought that another man had conditioned you to feel pain when the lights went out. He hated that no matter what he did he couldn't erase what had happened to you; he couldn't make you the person you were again.
But you couldn't make him the person he was then either.
They'd done the surgeries to fix your bones a few weeks later, leaving you in another healing and bandaged mess. He'd made sure his face was the first one you saw when you woke up, clinging to your hand. He'd secretly hoped you'd get amnesia one of these days, he hoped you didn't have to remember anything that man had done to you-anything Jimin had done to you. He could spend the rest of his life trying to get you to know him all over again if it meant that you weren't hurting.
He was there when they let you walk around on crutches for the first time. He followed your every move, catching you when your weak arms couldn't hold onto the crutches properly. He held you to him, holding the back of your head so your tears wouldn't be seen-he still remembered that you hated to be weak; you hated it when people saw you cry.
He was there when you tried again, this time able to hobble a few steps before he scooped you up in his arms as you started tumbling to the side. You looked at him with such surprise that it melded a couple pieces of his broken heart.
He was there when you had finally gained enough strength to walk on your own. He was there for the first smile you'd given after your whole ordeal, your laughter at having succeeded in walking echoing down the halls. He was there when they took the stitches out from your bullet wound, your nails digging marks into his palm. He was there when they brought a scalpel in to do a biopsy on a bruise that refused to go away and you'd screamed at the sight of it. You had tried to escape in a blind panic, knocking over a table until you collapsed in his arms. Those healed pieces of his heart spider webbed with cracks when you started sobbing into his shoulder, telling him of all the things that one of those scalpels had done to you. He had to clench his jaw, curl his fists onto your lower back to pull you closer.
"He won't come near you again." He'd whispered to you. "But they need to check that out."
You'd agreed as long as Taehyung was there holding your hand. He was there when you were released, Jungkook on your other side with your things in his hands. Taehyung had busied himself with making sure you walkway was clear so your crutches wouldn't catch on anything, a slip with your next appointment date and time shoved in his back pocket.
He was there when you walked into your apartment for the first time in months. Jungkook had caught you as you started to fall to your knees, the boy's arms pulling you closer when you started sobbing at the simple sight of your own couch. Taehyung had put away all your pictures, thrown away the leftover missing posters and had cleaned the place spotless for your arrival-he'd even dusted the shelves in your room. He was there when you lay in your own bed for the first time. He was there when you told him you couldn't sleep alone. He'd tried to put a blanket and pillow down on the floor by your door but you'd started crying again and somehow he'd fallen asleep next to you, still cradling your tear streaked face to his chest. It became a nightly routine now where you needed either him or Jungkook next to you when you slept, both of them equally willing to hold onto you for the night.
You'd missed so much work that you quickly found that you didn't have a job to go back to. Jungkook and Taehyung had made a couple calls to their bosses when they found out, managing to get you an entry level position with the company. They preferred it, this way they could take you to and from work with them. This way you wouldn't have from or to home alone-they still hadn't caught Hanseul.
Even he had nightmares, fears that when he woke up you'd still be gone. He startled awake one night, jerking so hard that you also woke up in his arms. Your thin fingers had brushed away the tears on his cheeks. "Why are you crying, Tae?" You'd whispered, your hand lingering near his face.
"I dreamt you got shot." He'd pulled you closer, curling in on you and shielding you from the very air itself.
"I did."
He'd chuckled, his breath hot against your neck. "That's why I'm crying."
He was there when you finally saw Jimin's face again.
Their dance practice was currently on break, the sweating boys lying in a heap in the corner of the room nursing their water bottles. You hobbled in on your crutches, a plastic bag of takeout food looped around either of your wrists. Taehyung and Jungkook had immediately burst from their spots on the floor, Jungkook attempting to grab the food and lighten your load while Taehyung attempted to help you sit down. He wrapped one arm around you, lowering you slowly while his other held your crutches. When he was satisfied you were comfortable he rested your crutches against the mirror you leaned against and helped Jungkook lay out the food.
The other members thanked you profusely, coming up to you to bow for your kindness before they dug into the take out like ravenous hyenas. You tried to focus on everything else but the elephant in the room, but it became increasingly difficult when you felt his stare drilling holes through you.
Even harder still when he decided to take his plate of take out and sit next to you.
Taehyung still refused to let him slide, sitting on your other side. He offered the food in his chopsticks to you, laughing when some of it dribbled down your chin and you ducked your head to wipe it off. He diverted your attention away from Jimin, watching your tightened shoulders relax with each and every goofy thing he did.
Jimin on the other hand devoured every bit of the scene with anger, sadness, and envy. His fists clenched on the floor, his eyes going to Taehyung spoon-feeding you like you were incapable of doing anything on your own. Jimin knew it was a ruse to get you to laugh, it was something he, himself, would have done way back when.
Back when you looked at him the same way you were looking at Taehyung.
Even Taehyung knew he couldn't keep your attention forever, and so when he went to go get more food he wasn't surprised to turn around to you staring back at Jimin.
You could tell based on the part of his lips and the sheer desperation of his eyes that he wanted to talk to you but simply didn't know how. You thought when you saw Jimin's face again you'd hate to see it, you'd thought picture Hanseul, you'd though picture the way Jimin's hand had lingered on Hana's, you thought you'd hear the way he said "Jagiya", or the way he said "I love you." But instead, all you saw was a shattered excuse of a man staring back at you. If he'd looked like that back at his party you probably wouldn't have left with Hanseul, even drunk you would have tried to comfort him. A small shattered fragment of your heart flamed at the sight of his face again, but it wasn't enough to melt anything other than the past.
You looked blank, a clean slate with a huge split down the middle of the stone. Jimin had always been able to read you easier than he could even read himself; he'd thought he'd known you better than any other human. But now, he couldn't even tell what you were thinking. All he saw now was an abyss where there used to be light.
Taehyung gripped your shoulder, forcing your gaze to him. His eyebrows were slightly drawn, lips parted to say something to Jimin even though his eyes were focused on you.
You okay? His look spoke.
You nodded, a small smile pulling up the corner of your lips.
Taehyung was with you when you finally got your cast off and could walk on your feet again. He was there to support you when you took your first unaided steps. He was there to watch you jump for joy, and then immediately collapse to the ground when your weak legs refused you. Instead of sobbing as you would have done a month ago you looked up at him with a hint of a spark in your eyes, laughter bubbling past your lips.
"Still too early to be a fool, huh?"
"Never." He whispered, crouching down so you could wrap your arms around his shoulders to allow him to help you to your feet.
He was there when you got your last check up for your physical healing, when your arms wrapped around his shoulders and he swung you in circles to celebrate your freedom. He was there when you woke up screaming again that night, sobbing out for a pain that was never going to come to you. He was there when you started your long journey of emotional healing; he'd even sat down in the waiting room of the psychiatrist's office while you finished your first appointment. He was there for almost everything.
Almost.
He was not there when you finally spoke to Jimin again.
BigHit had decided that they needed both Taehyung and Jungkook at the same time for photos and some interview work-it was non-negotiable, Taehyung knew after all of the begging he had done. So, he left you with Yoongi and Jimin. You were not safe on your own; everyone and their mother knew that. The men were still on the loose, and you still saw the afterimages of that room when you closed your eyes.
Yoongi had sensed that this talk had been coming for a while, so he promised to keep your bed warm for you by taking a nap while Jimin perched himself next to you on the couch. He didn't sit too close, he was afraid to touch you-to hurt you. He was afraid even speaking would startle you, then you'd be gone again and his chances of ever being able to pull himself out of this horrible limbo would be over. But all this did was drown the room in a buzzing silence.
He broke it first, wincing at how loud his voice sounded to his own ears. "Am I allowed to talk to you?" He whispered, staring at his hands resting on his knees.
"You can do whatever you want; you could have always done whatever you want." Your gaze was purely on the floor, refusing to look at him. You knew something in you would light ablaze if you looked at him again, and you weren't quite sure if you wanted that anymore.
"Taehyung's pretty intimidating you know, seemed like he didn't appreciate the stupid crap I did to you." He chuckled at his hands, peeling his gaze away from them and turning it to the side of your face. "You two a thing now?"
You risked it, tilting your head towards him to give him that same blank stare he couldn't read. "No. Why does that matter to you now?" There was hope for him with how quickly you answered that question.
"I've been an idiot." He laughed dryly, starting to say something else but you cut him off with your immediate agreement.
"Yes, yes you have."
He licked his lips, his hands toying with the ring on his thumb. "Would an apology even cut it now? After all that has happened?" His eyes lingered on a scar on your neck before traveling the plains of your face again. He didn't get the chance to see you often; Taehyung had made sure that when you saw Jimin it was on your terms only. He wanted to memorize your face all over again, learn the look of this new you so he could see you when he closed his eyes. So he could associate this new girl with the love he'd held for the older version-the version he broke.
Your eyes were back on the floor, studying it for the correct answer to the question. The floor said to hate him, your heart wasn't as strong in that belief. "You know, Jimin," You chuckled darkly, "as much as I want to hate you, I physically can't. Some part of me thinks you had some good intentions; you didn't want to hurt me. There was a lot that you did that was wrong, but human error happens in relationships-in friendships." You pursed your lips at the ground. "It's my fault too. What happened to me...that was me-that was all me. I did a lot of stupid things, got drunk, and talked to people I shouldn't have. I can't blame you for that." You could only regret all the things that you should have done, all the way that the situation should have gone. "I really want to hate you so much right now."
"But?" He raised an eyebrow, leaning into your words.
"I can't." Your eyes met his again, watching the beginnings of tears forming in his. You watched your best friend since you could remember make a face that you'd never seen before; this broken man looked like you'd given him all of the riches in the world. "I can't hate you, Jimin." You repeated, watching him bring his hand up to his face to hide the fact that he was crying. It almost made you laugh; it was something he'd always done even though you'd seen him cry countless times as a child.
"I broke up with Hana." He whispered, peeling his hand away from his face only to grip yours. His touch sent a familiar fire up your arm, it was almost pleasant.
You nodded. "Tae told me."
"Did he tell you why?"
His fingers rubbed across your knuckles, smoothing down the non-existent wrinkles. He seemed so excited, so nervous. He was practically twitching in his seat, unable to sit still long enough to speak.
"I love you, Y/N."
You had never seen Jimin look more serious.
~.~
Taehyung nearly burst through your apartment door, the excitement to tell Jimin to get out nearly buzzing on his face. Little did he know that he'd find you there laughing with the man that had hurt you so much (and Yoongi who had woken up from his nap a while ago).
Taehyung was well aware that there had never been a bone in your body capable of hate; he knew that the instant you were left alone with anyone who had hurt you there would be at least the initial burst of forgiveness. And now here he was watching it happen in action.
Yoongi looked up at Taehyung, jerking his head towards the door. "Come on, Jimin. Jin'll be mad if we miss dinner."
If it was the past Jimin he would have argued that Taehyung got to miss dinner, so why couldn't he? He would have put up a struggle and kicked up a storm. Now he just watched Taehyung's confusion while he slipped on his shoes. To shove salt in the wound he winked to the lost boy as Yoongi dragged him out the door with a muffled goodbye thrown over his shoulder.
As the door closes behind them Taehyung watches you, your gaze tilted up towards him. He breathes a small sigh of relief when your eyes remain as clear and sparkly as they were when he left, but a part of him hurts when he sees more sparkle than he'd left you with.
It was hard not to feel jealousy after everything that he'd done for you.
"Did it go well?" He asked, still frozen in his spot near the door.
You nodded, instantly calming his behavior by reaching your hands out for him. "Come."
He was there in an instant, his arms wrapping around your waist as he rested his head against your shoulder. "Can I ask what this is for?"
"You looked lost; I wanted to bring you back home." Your fingers found his hair, toying with the ends of it. "You brought me back home, I should do the same."
"I love you, Y/N"
Maybe it was the fact that you had been alone with Jimin all day, or maybe it was the fact that he was afraid that he was going to lose you to him that he blurted something so stupid. He would have been okay with any decision you had made in the past as long as you were happy, but now-now he was becoming selfish. He wanted you, and he definitely wasn't about to see you go back to Jimin to fall for the same old tricks that had put you in a loop of never ending pain in the past. Either way he regretted the words has soon as they passed his lips.
"Wait." He blurted, shoving himself away from you; he fell backwards on his ass, staring up at you with wide eyes and a hand over his mouth. "I didn't...I...uh..." He could feel his ears reddening, the color spreading across his cheeks until it traveled down his neck. "I didn't, I'm sorry. I'm so selfish-I just...it just came out. I know you're not ready to hear this now, I know that you're still in a weird place and...."
You parted your lips, starting to say something but all he saw was the water starting to fill in your eyes.
He cut you off, pushing up to his knees in front of you so he could grip your hand tightly in both of his. "Hey...hey hey hey." He whispered, running his tongue along the bottom of his lips in nervousness. He reached up to wipe the tears gathering on your cheeks. "Don't cry, okay?" He could feel his bottom lip trembling, and he had to bite back the anger at himself for causing you to cry. "I know I have horrible timing, I'm sorry. Forget I said anything okay?"
You shook your head furiously, leaning into his hand. "No. No no, I'm not crying because of that." You whispered. "I....did I do to you what Jimin did to me?"
He froze, then-when realization struck-he threw his head back in relieved laughter. "No." He brought your hand up to his lips, breathing softly against your knuckles. "No, because you didn't know. You were always there for me. You never tossed me to the side."
You shivered, unable to help the tears spilling down your cheeks. He brushed away each and every one, refusing for even a second to let you feel like any of this was your fault. "But I made you feel like that right? Me looking at someone else besides you-me loving Jimin."
His thumbs massaged your cheeks. "No, because you didn't know. I was happy to just be around you, to just have found someone that I would give everything for-even if they could never like me how I wanted them to."
His words only made you cry harder, your head falling limp to rest on his shoulder. "How can you love a broken thing like me?" You sobbed, squeezing his hand. "After all the things I've done, after all the things I've become?"
He held you close, gently kissing the side of your neck. "How can you call it love if you can't appreciate the broken things too? They'll never heal properly, but those things can sometimes be the most beautiful."
"I want to try and love you, Taehyung."
He sensed the pause in your voice, and held you closer so you couldn't see the pain spiking in his eyes as he stared down the ceiling. "But?"
"Jimin told me he loves me."
He steeled his heart, trying to prepare it for heartbreak. How could one prepare for heartbreak? How could one get themselves ready for the rejection that they've been avoiding for years and years?
"And?" He swallowed, patiently waiting for your reply even though every second he wasn't hearing your voice dropped his heart further down in his chest. "What did you say?"