I overthink.
I mostly think about what I hate about myself,
About the mistakes I've done, and how much they disgust me.
I try to run away from these thoughts.
I stopped self harming.
But I would turn up the loud music so I could shut their voices.
I would do anything just to block the diabolic noise in my mind.
And then I remember you, something shines for a moment. Until the voice comes back.
Until I realize again how bad I am for you.
I realized how you deserve someone better, when at this moment, I know that you're all I have as a reason to live. I think again, that maybe if I loved you, I should let you go instead of weighting you down with my flaws.
But for a second, I finally remember I've done some nice things during my life.
I wonder if it counts. You are literally the only reason that pushes me to act like a human. With full humanity. Don't give up on me, even if I don't deserve it. To someone who could be reading this. I ran out of excuses and I'm losing myself. Hold my back.....even if I don't deserve it.
