Destiel Oneshots

I fell but only kinda sorta for you {Destiel}

Everyone looses something at some point in their life, wether it be a doll or a loved one, something you miss with every beat of your heart or something you forget about the next month. Loss is impossible to avoid no matter how hard you try, with every time you check that your phones in your pocket or tell your partner you love them praying they never leave you. Loss in an unbearable act that could break you down faster then a bullet to the heart. Loss was something castiel thought he'd never feel, until the day he'd fallen.

Cas sat still, back pressed to his beds head rest, knees brought to his chest, with arms wrapped around his legs. It was a stiff and uncomfortable position but he couldn't care to move, no matter how much his friends begged him to. It was mostly Dean, though Sam and Kevin would come occasionally, as well as Charlie, they would bring food with them, insisting that he needed it, or a glass of water. They'd say he needed it to stay alive, though despite their efforts he wished he would die.

His hands went to his face swiping the tears away, though only to come back seconds later as more tears fell.

Foot steps could be herd from outside of his bedroom, talking and then silence, then finally a loud knock against his door. "Hey buddy" dean grinned as he pushed open the door, a plate of pancakes in one hand and a glass of orange juice in the other.

The man walked across the room, placing the food on castiel's bed side table, "how's your back"

He gave a small shrug in response, eyes on his hands as he didn't dare look at Dean. "Do you mind if I check?" Cas shook his head.

He fumbled slowly with the edge of his shirt, continuing to look down as he pulled it over his head. Dean shouldn't have seen him like this, weak and broken, barely alive, and after what? Loosing his wings? Dean had suffered through so much worse and was still standing, alive and happy. "Are" he cleared his throat, "are they still bad?"

A finger brushed across the right side of his back and then the left, right where his wings once were, "they've improved" dean replied simply. There was some shuffling  and then the sound of a drawer being opened, as the eldest Winchester collected the rubbing alcohol and bandages.

The pair sat in silence as dean worked at cleaning the others cuts, apologizing and swearing at times when he'd touch the cuts in the wrong spot, or was a little to rough. "Dean?" Cas finally asked as the first cut was finished being bandaged. A hum was the only reply he got. he took a deep breath in, worry clawing at his stomach. "How much-" he paused not sure if he could continue, "how much longer am I allowed to stay"

He felt Dean freeze, leaving a drop of alcohol to roll down his back, "what the hell are you talking about"

"Well I'm not of any use now that I am not a-" the tears began to roll down his cheeks, hands coming to his face as he swiped them away fiercely. Sobs began to shake his body, his head pressing into his knees. "I-I-I-I can not do- I can not" he contained to sob, "I am useless Dean"

He was crumbling, barely standing as the world continued to push him down, over and over. Screaming at him to stay down, stay in his place and stop trying. How he wanted to stop trying, to grab the knife and pierce it through his heart, let himself bleed to death, feel the pain he deserved, get rid of the life he didn't want.

"Hey cas" dean stood up, taking a seat in front of the other, "come on, it'll be alright" a hand rested on his arm, "we'll figure things out"

He could only shake his head, sobs being the only noise that parted his lips. His hands were brought to his head, nails clawing at his ears as he wished for the voices of his siblings to return.

The touch of dean was a blur, the warmth as the other tried to pull castiel's hand away, it was a flash, everything was blurring together. The new emotions, beating down on him, hard and heavy, giving no mercy. Deans warmth, the pain from his scars, the death of his siblings, everything was beating down, until a he screamed, no longer able to bare any of it. He screamed as loud as he could, only stopping when his voice was raw and his lungs were begging for air. Then he sat, raw and open, wishing that his father had kept him dead.

"Cas-" he nodded weakly this time looking up. "come here" without argument castiel let dean pull him into an embraced, the warmth of the hunter tingling across his body, "we'll figure it" dean whispered, "I promise"

•••
First one shot of 2019!! Woop!!
-Paige x.