Who Loves You, Pretty Baby

Say My Name, Say My Name

Freddie sighed and took a sip of his tea. "There's a bottle of personal lubricant beside the kitchen sink." He stated very nonchalantly yet at the same time implying question in his tone.

 "Mmm..." I shook my head. "...it stays there. It's for the new sink drain." I answered, sitting my glass aside. I was so hung over. Good god was I hung over. I still felt a little drunk this morning and Roger wasn’t in much better shape than I. We were hung over and hoarse from having stayed outside on the deck until nearly 5AM.

 "Is that all it's for?" He persisted.

 "Oh...I used some of that last night!" Chrissie said, looking up from her brunch. That comment within itself made us all stop eating and look to her...then to Brian and then to Chrissie. We were quiet for a moment. “I woke up and…oh by the way your bed is the best thing I’ve ever slept on aside from Brian! I slept so restfully and I would have slept through the night but…wow you can hear everything on this yacht…Roger.”

"If you like that mattress, you should feel what we have at home." I told her, slathering butter over my muffin.

 “Wait, wait...…we will get to Roger in a minute. Chrissie….why did you use the sink lubricant?” Freddie asked, not looking up from his eggs.

 “My god, Freddie! I’m so dry! It’s just miserable how dry I am! I needed some relief! I wasn’t doin’ anything sexual with it! My body was just screamin’ for it! Veronica! You know!” Chrissie insisted, looking to Veronica across the table from her English muffin and begging for her defense. Veronica shook her head.

 “Yep, the dryness is a bitch. Wish I woulda’ known there was lubricant in here! I’m like a desert! Why didn’t you wake me up and tell me!?” Veronica asked of Chrissie.

 “Brian found it for me! I’m sorry I used most of the bottle but I really needed Brian to smear that stuff everywhere! Hell, I can’t even bend over let alone apply personal lubricant!” Chrissie told her.

 “I can’t believe we are sitting here having a conversation about personal dryness...and the fact that Brian is apparently an outstanding applicator...you....you put it...on her?" John questioned.

"I did, yes. I spread the lubricant on Chrissie where she needed it." Brian confirmed.

"Well, I...don't think I want this jam on my muffin anymore butI’ll remember that Brian, just in case.” John said, tending to his fruit medley instead. Immediately, Roger and I suddenly began laughing ridiculously. It was the most delayed reaction and most hung over laugh imaginable. My head was spinning and I leaned over in to Roger as neither of us could contain ourselves.

 “John, if you and I ever find ourselves in a situation where you need lubricant…you know what…oh my god! What are you two laughing at!?” Brian asked of Roger and I.

 “I can’t believe you used our lubricant that we designated for the sink!” I said through my laughter.

 “Well, Lydia it was obviously the other kind of sink that needed the lubing! Now, listen to me…first…NEVER leave me in charge of this fucking yacht ever again! Are you listening to me Roger Taylor or are you just laughing your stupid non-tiger-clad arse off!? By the way, those pants are out on the deck inside out tangled up in a blanket…I’ll be asking about that too, later. But anyway, don’t you ever leave me in charge of this stupid thing! It comes with too grand a responsibility and you learn too much information! NOW SECONDLY! Oh my god…STOP LAUGHING! I can’t yell at you when you are both laughing like alcoholic idiots! Every single one of us know exactly what you two did between the hours of 5AM and 5:30AM! You are the noisiest fucking people! My god! I had forgotten how noisy you could be! And I'm not talking about being loud! For fuck's sake it's like you're writing a novel! God, can you not shut the hell up!? All I heard was 'baby, baby, god Roger yes, yes! Oh god! Shit, yes! And then I hear you want it like this? You like that? Oooh yeah, you like that? You like that, baby? You want it rough? You like it hard? Jesus! You are not taking her order at a restaurant, Roger! Get in and get OOOOOUT! She will like whatever you do or leave in there!" He slammed his fist to the table because Roger and I hadn’t stopped laughing at all.