As Seen On TV

32. Smoke Show

**Quick warning!!! Things are about to get... pretty... steamy. ;) If you would prefer that your mind and your soul stay un-steamed and fancy free, please look forward to the next little warning, and I will notify you of when it is safe to return. Love you all!**

I could feel myself beginning to sober up. The liquor had done the trick and had distracted me from my woes for a good couple hours, but now, as my eyes fluttered open and took in the sight in front of me, it was considerably less obfuscated by a that woozy, pink-tinged, alcohol-induced haze. 

A shame. Not that Patrick looked any less godlike without the assistance of my alcohol-addled mind.

With the return of my sober self imminent, I had to make a decision. After all, Patrick himself had only just voiced my exact concerns. Drunk or not drunk, I had initiated this whole thing. I was furious with myself for getting this far into reconciliation with Andrew, only to fuck it all up all over again, not even a week later. I was coming upon the home stretch- we all were- and this is how I was going to finish out my already-tarnished reputation as an international television superstar?

My errant thoughts were pulled into concentrated, screaming focus at once, as Patrick disentangled his hands from my hair and his arms from around me. I all but shivered at the sudden absence of his body heat.

"Wait. Lyra. I want to do this, sweetheart, but I'm not stupid. I'm hopelessly enchanted by you, but I don't want to take advantage of you or do something that you don't actually want to do. So I really need to know that you're not drunk right now and that you're not going to regret this later. "

I took a deep, shaky breath. I could only confirm one of those things. I was no longer too drunk for logical decision-making. As for regretting this later, well...

I placed my hands squarely on his chest.

"Listen. I know this is what we've been getting at all along, that this has been a sort of lust thing, or whatever you wanna call it, but I really do want to try to work things out with Andrew. We just got to a relatively good place, for both of us, for the first time in a long time, and I don't think..." I bit my lower lip, trying to think of a way to choose my words better, carefully but forcefully.

"I don't think it's a terrific idea, but here's what I'm thinking. I think that for someone that says she's in love with another man, I spend way too much fucking time thinking about you. And I want that to change, I really do. But I think the best way to fix that, right now, is to just do this thing, once and for all, and get you out of my system. Out of my head."

He furrowed his brow, hard jawline setting in confusion. 

"I'm not really sure that I follow your logic. I mean, I definitely agree with you on the whole 'we should do this now' part, but-"

"I've tried everything else. Trust me. I really have. But there's no other way that I can think of to fix it- to fix me- before it's too late. This is the last time I think I could sleep with you without a concrete, serious commitment to being his... his whatever. And I do want to be that for him, as soon as I get over whatever this is."

I removed my hands from his chest and gestured around us. 

"Because I love him. I do."

Saying it out loud made it real, and I surprised myself with my words, as well as Patrick, from the look on his face. However, he seemed to make up his mind, just as I did.

"Okay, fine. So... you want to prove your love to him by fucking another dude? I mean, like I said, baby, I'm not arguing- simply because I benefit from your convoluted decision-making process- but I gotta say, that's pretty fucked up."