Not What We Expected

18: "She" Doesn't Deserve You

To say that Ant's calling to 'make sure that Dec is alright' would be a lie because he knows Dec's not, but he wants to tell him that things will be alright. He just hopes it's not his parents that will answer because if it is, he probably won't be allowed to speak with him and then reassure Dec that he's there for him.

"Martin Donnelly."

"Hi Martin, it's Anthony", he is very relieved it's Martin, he'll understand, hopefully at least. "I know what your parents think about me, but I need to talk to Dec."

"Of course", he hears Martin smile, "But he's not really in the best mood... so to speak..."

"I kind of guessed that..."

"But you know what, I think my parents are doing wrong, not letting you two hang out because they don't seem to see how happy you make him.", what Martin says really fills Ant with pride.

Soon Ant hears a door being opened and then closed, and then Martin is talking to his little brother. Something about an obliquely tie and he hears how defensive Dec's tone is, telling Martin that he's already re-tied it one million times and this is the best it gets.

"Phone for you.", he hears Martin say to Dec but he answers that he doesn't want to speak to anyone right now because the only one he wants to talk to is not alive anymore. Hearing his answer makes it ache in Ant's heart and he just wishes he could be there to hug Dec.

"I think it's someone you would like to talk to, Anthony."

It's silent for a moment before he hears the phone being passed over and after that, it even takes some more moments of silence until Dec's small voice appears on the other end. A door is opened and then closed again, presumably Martin leaving the room. Dec says Ant's name, a voice that must be on the verge of tears. He really emphasises the th-sound in a whining way.

"Hey, mate, it's going to be fine."

"No... No, I don't want this..."

"I know Decs but you have your family there and it'll be- or later, afterwards, things will be alright again.", Ant knows there's no point in lying and saying that the funeral in itself 'will be alright'. Saying something like that could start a fire but he wants Dec to know that thinking about his Grandmother won't always feel this heavy.

"And if your stressed or worried about the crying, no one, not even they in your Catholic-boys-don't-cry-circle, think it's weird that one cries on funerals. If you're not allowed to cry on your Nan's funeral, when are you ever allowed to cry?"

Dec doesn't answer that, instead Ant just hears his irritated mumble until he exclaims, "I can't even manage to wear a tie correctly! Fuck it, I'll cut it into two or hang myself with it!"

"Dec... Don't say that.", he really doesn't want to hear that from him. "I wish I was there to give you a hug."

Silence and then comes a small, small, "Me too."

"Suppose you're going to be with your family all day, but if they become too much and you would feel like coming over, you're very welcome."

"Thanks a lot but... But I've already planned something with someone else...", Dec tells him and Ant has to stop himself from letting out a deep sigh.

"Joanna?", Ant asks, hoping it's she but gets disappointed, "Clara then?"

"Someone else..."

"One of the girls?"

"No..."

"Alex?", he hopes for a no.

"Yeah..."