Not What We Expected

25: A Terrific Kisser

Fuck, this is not good at all. Dec feels he has been drinking a bit too much. Or not 'a bit' too much, he has been drinking too much and right now he hears himself talking. And he's barely understanding himself, so he's impressed that Anth still seems to be with him. He's nodding and now and then he also asks a question or two.

But Dec's not-brain-connected-talk isn't the only problem. They are sitting a bit too close as well. And again, the 'a bit' is not needed here either. He is sitting on Anth's lap and that's too close in two ways. Firstly because in everyone's eyes he is a straight guy - or he's trying to play a straight guy at least. He really shouldn't be sitting on Anth's lap like this and encouraging the rumours!

"...and then he thought Jojo was my girlfriend and talked about how lucky I should be and everything...", now he's just talking nonsense, it really makes no sense and one of the reasons to that could be that he's saying one thing but is thinking about other stuff. Like sitting too close to his friend...

He also shouldn't be sitting this close to Anth because he still hasn't decided what he feels for him. He has told himself to not fall in love but how many times has it actually stopped him from falling? The answer is probably none, nil, zero. And Joanna said a thing that made him think. She reminded him, she really has been right with everything connected to his life, the last year.

But he doesn't know what to do, and that's probably the answer to the question why he has been drinking so much tonight... And the alcohol is the answer to why he's rumbling like this.

"And you know, I've always wanted to have someone- being in love is the best thing ever but when you have got your heart smashed into a million pieces a million times, it starts to be hard to know if it's worth it.", oh fuck, how much he will regret telling Anth this! Or that will say if he remembers this tomorrow he will regret it more than anything.

"You can tr-", Dec hears that he interrupts Anth, but his mouth is just chattering away without his brain being able to stop it.

"I've had Jojo and having a best friend like her is a substitute that works but now she has Rufus- I just wish things in my life were different... Or I really wish I was different.", Dec says and he feels the tears welling up.

"Decs, please don't cry, you are amazing like you are.", Dec hears Anth telling him and he feels him stroking his back but Dec can't really help it, because that really is the core of this problem. Everything could have been so much easier if he was someone else. If he was straight, how much happier he could have been! If he was good looking, how much more confident he could have been! And if he was loveable - he could have believed that Anth liked him!

---

Ant tries to dry Dec's tears, he doesn't really know what brought up this. Just a moment ago Dec was talking about something totally different, not connected to Dec's emotions at all. He just said random stuff but then he suddenly changed direction in the conversation and the tears started to flow.

"Is he fine?", a girl has walked up to them and is looking at Dec, "Should I try to find Martin?"

"Thanks but I think we're alright. He's just drunk a bit too much.", he smiles politely at her. If he remembers correctly is she an ex to Martin- or if they were just friends, he can't really remember. Not that it really matters though... "Come Decs, let's get you some water and air?"

Ant gets Dec to stand up, he is quite unsteady but they manage to find the kitchen where he forces Dec to drink a few glasses of water. Reluctantly Dec does it before Ant gets them both outdoors.

Ant might not be as drunk as Dec is (that's usually the case what it seems) but not 'being as drunk as Dec' doesn't really mean that Ant is totally sober either. Ant was more than nervous to come along with Dec so he started with a (three...) shot(s) already before meeting up with Dec.