A Rant Book

Hate #4: Cliche' (Can't find the proper charater...k den)

Okay, so we’re on Wattpad. A website designed for young, undiscovered writers to post their ‘books’ and share them with an online community just as eager about books as they are, so we’re bound to find some repeats of books on here (wait, does that mean these clichés I’m about to mention actually have an original version?...I’d love to read THE original)

But there are SO many books now on Wattpad that have the same, freaking, storyline. Just…ugh. Just…no. Especially, in the romance genre and teen fiction. All those high school cliché stories about the nerd and the popular guy. Just have a read of this small example I whipped up and you’ll for sure be able to notice the same storyline as tons of other books you’ve read.

 walked into the school parking lot the next morning and it was crowded as usual. Teenagers were hanging out, laughing, pointing at each other and couples were holding hands. I stare through my big, black, glasses at my long blonde hair that reaches my waist. My gaze falls upon the ground at my white, slightly scuffed white converse shoes. I look at my light, blue skinny jeans and pink crop top accessorised with my long cream cardigan. I catch my reflection in a shiny silver car’s side view mirror and my piercing green eyes stare back at me. I’m such a nerd.

Suddenly the crowd parts like Moses parting the red sea when a glistening, black Harley Davidson pulls into the car park. The bikes roars into the car park beside me and a tall, muscular figure steps out and kicks the stand on his bike. He steps off and bumps into me.  I trip and plummet onto the ground, my cheeks going as red as the 99 balloons. I quickly stand up and dust myself off and when I look up, my eyes are met by no other then the most popular guy’s in the school, Wyatt Harvey’s.

“Watch it” he tells me, disgusted. By now the whole school is crowded around, wondering what will happen next.

I look up and my eyes meet his “Watch yourself” I say. The crowd makes an ‘Ooooooo’ noise before falling silent.

“Wow. It talks” he says, grinning. He’s not at all bothered by the extra attention.

“Yeah, and ‘it’ is going to introduce your head to the wrong side of a shovel if you trip me up again” I say, staring into his eyes, daring him to talk. (@Im_Not_Tumblr @Sazninjacookie)

He glares at me for a second when his supposed girlfriend saunters up to him and wraps an arm around his waist “C’mon Wyatt, she’s just a piece of trash lets go” Wyatt nods in agreement, before spinning on his Michael Jordan high top heels and walking off, girls on either side.

Okay, for starters, when did ‘nerds’ have long blonde hair and wear skinny jeans and crop tops? Have I been living in a hobbit hole or something for the past century? Because in my day *old person voice* nerds wore baggy clothes and gumboots and they had buck teeth and pimples. I see this waaaaaaaaay too often, does anyone have an imagination anymore? It’s not funny as much as it’s sad!

Don’t even get me started on the quote “The crowd parted like Moses parting the red sea” this is used way to often when describing high schoolers reactions when a popular guys walks in. Why can’t writers be original and say something like “The crowd parted like my phone parting my hand and slamming into a brick wall when I next read another one of these cliché stories”

Maybe I’m a little harsh, I don’t know. But I’m really just sick of it. Also, the Harley Davidson, or whatever posh, sweet gig the dude has that serves as his transport to school. Like WTF??? Did teenagers just get handed over Steve Jobs’ life earnings? I know some of you will think “Yeah, but he probably comes from a rich family” but that’s just not a good excuse in my head, although my head is a little….back to the point, it’s not a good excuse because so what? He comes from a rich family and so they buy him a freaking Porsche?? …. Okay, I now kind of see your point, why wouldn’t they buy him a Porsche. Hell, I’d get a Porsche if I could too! But how many families are there out there that can afford that? Unless you’re trying to make your book win “Book-that-was-most-unrealistic-in-the-whole-history-of-Wattpad-well-maybe-not-the-whole-history-of-Wattpad-but-you-get-the-gist-of-it-award” then you’re in the wrong!

I also hate how the guy is always “tall and muscular”. Why can’t I read a story about a fat, pimple face geek who wins a gorgeous girl?? I’d even read about two ugly roast potatoes falling in love just to escape from the tall and muscular!

I also hate how the two characters always end up meeting in the most unrealistic of NATURAL occurrences. For example:

1. “My car broke down right outside of Wyatt’s house and my house is too far away for me to walk. Now I have to live with him until I can save enough money to buy a new car. –Like WTF guys, seriously! Call NRMA or some insurance co. whatever but CALL SOMEONE!

2. “I went to boarding school and there was no girl dorms left so now I have to sleep in Wyatt’s dorm.” – This would legitimately NEVER happen in real life. Seriously, the school would legit get you to sleep in a teacher’s room, NOT a boy’s dorm. Geezus.

3. “My house was eaten by vicious, flesh eating giant horned monsters and Wyatt’s house has been sprayed with some top of the line vicious, flesh eating giant horned monster prevention spray so I have to live at his house. - …No! I wasn’t exaggerating…probably just a little, but it was barely noticeable right?

And yet another cliché is the guy always being a (do the anagram) kiDc! It’s so annoying, like, why you gotta be a kiDc huh? Why can’t the popular guy be sweet, nice and caring? They do exist you know!! Maybe, just maybe, you know, I could be going out on a limb here, but; THEY’RE POPULAR BECAUSE THEY ARE AN ACTUAL NICE PERSON AND SPEND THEIR WEEKENDS CUDDLING PUPPIES???

Huh? Huh? Whadda ‘bout dat huh? (I should sign off soon, my grammar iz laggin) Aaaaaaaaand, *clears throat* furthermore, since when did nerds become so sassy?? Like guys, if life was Wattpad, all the chicks would be skinny, attractive and “nerdy”. So without further ado, I would like to introduce a new term for these kind of girls and I call it (drum roll...please guys, seriously?)

“The unrealistic, fake, unnaturally sassy, sexy and they know it nerd girls!!!

Please, everyone, a round of applause for our unrealistic, fake, unnatur…know it nerd girls! (Yeah I just added dem dots in cause of laziness, like I said before, grammar iz laggin)

*Crickets chirping*

So no round of applause? K den, alright, uh, this just got awkward.

Ima just wrap it up right here, right now (where else would I wrap it up? You idiot Bella) and saaay

Drum roll ple- jokes, Bye!!

~ @RockyDaRaccoon

P.S: As a little sidenote I like the teen fic romance stories when the author MAKES it realistic and pulls it off with fabulous style. To see an example y’all should check out “My roommate got Wattpad” on @raven1ikewritingdesk ‘s page, I won’t spoil it or nuffin, but……it’s pretty much awesome…so…you kind of have to read it.

Please vote if you made it this far into my  rant book without being so weirded out that you recommend me to your crazy, great Aunt Paula’s psychiatric therapist!