Severed Heaven (Niklaus and Elijah Mikaelson)

Chapter Twelve: All The Lies I've Ever Told

1312, France

     All of these hours were strained by pure happiness, as if it were a brooding spectre, or a pure, lost bird trapped in our little village. In this moment, I didn't know what I could possibly be afraid of, nor why I used to worry so much, nor why this thing that could easily cause panic felt like hope these days, like hope in the darkest moments, brought such joy, unreal joy, joy with a noose tied around it. The thud my heart gave when I saw him looking at me both terrified and thrilled me. The questioning wore me out eventually, and I'd officially given up fear since last week. It never went completely away, though, because I still woke up with it every day and watched it turn into joy when I received his smile again and knew he'd be nearing me later on the day.

By noon, the agony of waiting to see him again had indubitably passed. I knew that he'd been watching me from afar, and I did not need to look back at him again to paint a perfect picture of him in my mind; he was sitting with his back against the tree trunk, accompanied by his brothers Kol and Elijah. I was unaware of the topic to their conversation, but it did not seem to interest him.

I hated myself for being so hapless, so thoroughly transparant, so smitten with him, so nervous. What I feared most were the days when I didn't see him for stretches at a time— entire days without knowing where he'd been. I'd sometimes spot him crossing the market or talking to people I'd never seen there. But that didn't count, because at the small market where people gathered around, he seldom gave me a second look, just a nod which might have been intended less for me than for my mother, whose daughter I happened to be. My mother couldn't have been happier with the Mikaelson family. However, what he did in his private life and his time was his business.

Now, nevertheless, I caught butterflies fluttering in the pit of my stomach every time I had the nerve to glance his way again, and how coincidental it was when his eyes met mine perfectly. I wondered if he knew I'd picked this dress out just for him.

Rebekah lost herself into a silly argument with Kol about something that really didn't concern me, and as I braided her endless long hair, I found myself having difficulty to keep up with the sudden movements of her head. "Keep still, Bex." I said to her for the third time as the argument was still going, and it even seemed to escalate to the point where I heard Elijah hush his younger brother.

I finished her braid, and tied up the end. I certainly took my time when Rebekah seemed to have noticed the glances between her brother and I. "Please, stop looking at Niklaus. I'm yearning to slap that grin right off his face." She whispered quietly, so that none of them would hear.

"Well, what if I adore that grin?" I teased her, and chuckled softly. I decided to let my smile go noticed to whoever looked.

Rebekah turned to face me, the expression on her face saying it all. This had happened, and she picked up on it once again. "I know." Her grin reflected mine faultlessly, and despite her teasing I could tell she was not against it. "I'm not a fool, Lizzy."

Her notice of my feelings for Niklaus had sent alarming ripples through my life. I just hoped none of them would ever know how far things stood beyond their ordinary feelings now. I knew most people around me did not suspect a thing, and it bothered me, although I wouldn't have wanted it otherwise. It told me that if were no longer transparent and could disguise so much of my life, then I was finally safe from the assumptions, from him, but at what price, and did I want to be safe from anyone? There was no one to speak to. Whom could I tell? My mother? She wouldn't approve. My younger sister? She'd probably tell everyone. Rebekah held the best kind of views, but she wouldn't want to hear about how much I adored her brother, would she? There was no one else to tell, so I was afraid it was going to have to be Niklaus... if I had the guts to tell him, that is.