Severed Heaven (Niklaus and Elijah Mikaelson)

Chapter Twenty-Two: To Keep From Drowning

If I didn't know better, I'd think that he was here right now to save me. Or he'd be on his way, worried about what happened to me. I should've asked him how much I meant to him. I could've asked him last time I saw him, so I didn't have to wonder now. Did he know how much it hurt to realise that he might not come? That he might be with Camille right now while I was here, hoping for him to show up?

It was all I could think about as I continued to fade in and out of consciousness. It seemed clear that after another hour slipped by that there had been a great succession to Lucien's deliberateness. To me, all of it boiled down to one thing only; Niklaus would not show up, and I'd accepted it. It never quite bothered me to think of him with another, but now... the image of it in my mind bruised my heart, and I let it. How effortlessly my cries for help had become, and how thoughtlessly I'd given up on him must be obvious to both Lucien and Aurora. It was almost demeaning. Maybe I wouldn't long for him now if I'd let him kiss me all those years ago. Or maybe it would all be over now if I'd let him come to the conclusion that there was nothing between us.

When had they separated us, Niklaus? And why did I know it, and why didn't you? It was the last thing I allowed myself to ask.

I put down my fountain pen, closed my scorebook, and accepted my loss.

It was Lucien that caressed my cheek, but I refused to open my eyes. He wasn't in his usual rush, no speeding, no scaling the hill of worry with his usual athletic zeal. Perhaps he had nothing better to do now that he'd weakened me so much so that I could hardly regain my magic. Not that I was actually trying. This was my moment in heaven, silence, no pain, just waiting. In Lucien's presence, this was all that heaven could be. There was nothing now. Just a minute of grace. And in the cracks of light, I still dreamed of him.

This was probably the first time I let my guard down to the point where Niklaus, nor his brother, could re-enter my mind.

There was an uneasy moment. I was trying neither to drown nor to swim to safety when I heard footsteps, and voices. No, I wasn't going to let my hope shatter me a third time. I'd rather drown, but for now I just stayed in place. I was giving myself every chance to put two and two together and come up with a bigger number than infinity, yet I ignored the rustling, the grey air that suddenly hung around me. I had a feeling so peculiar that this pain would last forever, continual, until the end of time.

More footsteps. At least one hundred of them echoing in the back of my mind. The sound was going to haunt me until the bitter end, wasn't it?

"Elijah, Nik. Didn't realise we had a meeting this lovely afternoon."

A thought raced through my mind; where they here, or was I hallucinating? Yes, I was, because the words dissolved into thin air, as I found part of me wishing it would. Did I know how close to the brink my fate stood right now? The thought amused me and gave me the unnecessary distance to face the remainder of my thoughts. The hallucinations pained me. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I tried to look for excuses to dodge the subject. I could easily let myself off the hook if I wanted to, but what if they were actually here? How was I going to find the courage to open my eyes and see for myself? No, there was nothing to look forward to. Now that I had my cards on the table, the secrecy, the shame had gone. But there was that dash of unspoken hope that kept everything alive for hours and hours.

I couldn't avoid asking myself if I could be reading into things completely the wrong way. Just because I knew how to string words together, didn't mean I knew what was going on. "Stop this game." It was his voice, wasn't it?

Tell me this wasn't all in my mind. Tell me this wasn't another trick of my imagination.

I heard that familiar snort. It belonged to the vampire that had taken me. "Oh, this isn't a game." He said almost proudly. I didn't want to get lost in these petty things again, but I'd rather have him shut up, so that I could go back to my lonely hoping in nothing but pure silence.