Why I hate Chesney Brown

Introduction (part one)

I have been watching Coronation Street for as long as I can fully remember. If you haven't heard of the show then 1) why are you even here? and 2) let me enlighten you.

Coronation Street (or corrie as it is affectionately called by those too lazy to say its full name) is the longest running soap opera in the UK, and also one of the most popular. It tells the tales of the trials and tribulations (alliteration) of the residents of a single street (Coronation Street) in the fictional town of Weatherfield near the not-so-fictional city of Manchester, which is where most of the show is filmed. The residents are ordinary working-class adulterers, serial killers, and whimsical old people, and is shown on the TV channel itv every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, with two half-hour episodes each day along with hour long ones at Christmas or when the producers make room for Simon Cowell by pushing the show after the watershed, giving the writers a chance to kill off some of the characters depending on whose contracts just expired.

If you're reading this from outside the UK (assuming anyone reads this at all) then you might say you have the same kind of thing in other countries, but in case you don't the reason shows like Coronation Street and other British soaps have a tendency to exhibit some less than superb writing/acting is because unlike other shows, the writers don't take a break after writing each series. It is, essentially, written as you go, never stopping and never slowing down to allow the poor makers say "Whoa! Right, let's re-group!" And because the show never stops, and has in fact only increased its episodic churn out over the years, the writers are every now and then (i.e. all the time) allowed to get away with stuff that on any other programme would be considered bad bloomin' writing, so it is! Coronation Street fans will get that reference.

All this said, I still enjoy watching the show (I suppose in the same way you'd enjoy watching a cat being microwaved (please don't microwave your pets, just watch Coronation Street!)). But there is one aspect of the show I simply cannot stand. When I see this character slink their way onto the screen, my skin begins to crawl, my fingers itch, my head automatically scans for the nearest brick to slam itself into. This character is the amalgamation of all things evil. Othello has Iago. Batman has the Joker. Ghostbuster's has that environmental agency guy whose name I neither know nor care enough about to google.

And Coronation Street has Chesney Brown.

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Apologise this chapter was longer than I intended it to be. In my mind I imagined writing only about half a paragraph before realising how stupid I look, but wow, I really got into this!

Hello to the two of you still reading this! Thanks to SecondCardDown and PRailton for inspiring me to do this awful, awful story. Check out their profiles if you want to read about the American Revolution and how much of an idiot I am. Unless of course you two are the only one's who will ever read this so, yeah, don't comment anything mean or I'll delete you! Joking! XD

Please let me know if you watch Coronation Street and/or agree with me on anything I say, or just demand I duel you because I've somehow offended your honour. Adieu, for now!