Last words.

For a second, I thought I had it.

For a solid second, I thought I completely understood what I was doing, and everything I was doing whilst I was working. Heh. That's my problem, isn't it? Buying my grief. Nah, not just my grief, everything. Literally everything. I put everything I have deep inside myself until my entire body kills itself from all emotion and contact. It's why I'm so disconnected, isn't it? It's why I can't fit in with anyone, because no one has a single fucking idea what I go through. No one knows what the fuck to do with me. I'm just left, in a dark room, bumping into objects until I can find something to desperately cling on to, person or otherwise.

Is this it?
Is this all there is?

Why?
Why do we put ourselves through this? Through all this unhappiness? Through all this sadness? Through all of this tortuous, bloody, hurtful pain? Why do it? What the fuck do we get in return? I battle demons in me every day, and what the fuck do I get at the end of the day?

A fuck you. I get a fuck you from my body, a fuck you from my brain, and a fuck you from whatever creature my brain decides to torture me with.

The word 'help' doesn't mean shit anymore. The word help translates into these lines:
"Your overreacting."
"It's okay. You'll make it through this."
"I'm sure this medicine will help."
Its gotten that serious. How many mentally unhealthy people can agree with me? No one understands what the fuck we've gone through because there isn't a single fucking therapist of psychiatrist who actually has a mental health condition.

The saying says: 'you can't teach a butterfly to bark.' The saying works here too.
YOU CANNOT TEACH A COMPLETELY HEALTHY HUMAN BEING TO UNDERSTAND A MENTAL DISEASE THAT CHANGES ACCORDING TO THE VICTIM'S MIND!
Every mental health victim is different. But no one sees that. We're all the exact same, aren't we? Why would there be any difference? They just give us our drugs and tell us to leave. We try to change things? We're locked up. We try to make a stand? Something else is put in front of us.

Because we don't matter.

This is proof.
I don't have it together. I'm crumbling at the ends. I can't even hold myself together anymore. This is the part of my life where I just start to die. Slowly, but surely, my body just shuts down and kills itself of all feeling and emotion. A large part of me is extremely worried: I will never feel happy, love, joy, curiosity, nothing. However, there's a small, dark, brooding part of me that simply can't fucking wait.

If I feel nothing, then nothing can hold me back. I could do whatever I wanted, because, at that point, I would've lost the ability to care, to feel sympathy or compassion. It's why so many people have a sudden feeling of no longer caring. It's because society casts them out. They don't want to care anymore. They have no reason to. No one understands them! No one literally give a slight fuck about them! The people who try to help them wear the exact same mask at the fucking depressed and suicidal kids!

Nothing has changed. Or will change.

No matter what we do, nothing will change.

Because, at the end of the day, no one cares about the large majority. We will always be written off as 'over reacting' or fucking 'exaggerators'.

If you think that mental health is over exaggerated, or doesn't exist and is used by literally everyone as a tool to get attention, then go and fuck yourself. I hope those closest to you pass away whilst your frozen in place so you get a slight understanding of what people like us have to go through every single fucking day with no recognition whatsoever.

This is why I'm reserved. This is why I don't like to leave the house. This is why I'm misunderstood. This is why I'm classed as 'weird'. This is why no one fully understands anyone with mental health problems unless they have them themselves.

It's because no one cares about us.
We only have each other.
So we have to help each other, or we're all going to be outcast, and left to fend for ourselves in the jungle the mind has created.
If your help isn't working, reach out. To anyone. Ignore those who say you seek attention. They don't understand. Ignore those who say your doing it for the money. They don't understand.

Only you understand yourself.
So go and get what you need. Go and seek the medical help that helps you, and doesn't hurt anyone else.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, will be the words I utter when I die.
Thank you for reading this. If you are suffering from any sort of mental problems, please please PLEASE reach out to those who you can. Anyone who you know can help you. If there's any way for you to get relief from symptoms, use it.

Again, thank you. Please, don't think this is a suicide note. I am not planning to kill myself or anyone else at any point in my life. If you are reading this, and you are or have the feeling you are either depressed or suicidal, then please seek as much help as you can. I cannot stress this enough.

One last time, thank you all. I love every single one of you, and I hope you all lead successful lives
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DarkenedGlasses
P.s. if you'd like to repost this so spread the message around, you are more than welcome, just please make sure to include my name in it, and any links you have to any mental health awareness websites you know. Thank you. The reason I say keep my name in is so that anyone who feels the need to speak to an anonymous source can have that access without having to be charged for it. Someone out there loves all of you! ❤️
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