A Million Roads to Nowhere

Be Careful What You Wish For

"Aren't you excited?" Lena says to him, as a starter. "I know I am."

Patrick notices she sounds a little strained, the way she does when she struggles to tell him things. Lena's never been open to weakness and she has a hard time talking about feelings, so he'll wait politely, like a good friend should, until she's worked up the nerve to say what she really wants to.

"You're not scared? That's a better question. I'm sure many a thing will be able to kill us, mind you."

"Oh, many a thing and then some, I'm sure," Lena answers, "but, we're on the way to lift this curse."

Patrick doesn't want to bring her down with any pessimism, so he stays quiet. Some part of him knows that the chances are more slim than they're made out to be. He wonders if she knows that too.

"Paddy?" Lena asks after a moment.

"Aye?"

"Do you ever wonder if we've royally fucked up?"

Patrick is silent for a second, ignoring the sailor's swearing.

"What do you mean?" he says slowly.

"Oh, I- I don't know. All of this. The pendant wasn't really our fault, but- Do you think we're doing the right thing? We don't really know. I just- It's different when you think about getting a new life, but are we really okay?"

Patrick's never heard Lena sound so distraught before.

"How do we know we're trusting the right people?"

"I suppose we don't, Lena. We just have to guess. We're getting further though, aye?" Patrick tries.

"I hate not knowing," Lena says a little meekly, so unlike her.

"I do too, but this is all we've got and we can't turn back now."

"Aye," she says, "but I hate this. I thought I would like to travel and get new lives but every time my mind wanders I just think about how I'm going to die. It scares me. I don't want to die. I don't know if it's like a normal death. What if I'm trapped in a metal case until I rot away?"

"You're not going to die."

Lena has a particular look on her face, akin to the one she wore when Patrick told her Runningwind died. It occurs to him that she might not be able to physically cry anymore.

"It's not all bad." Patrick tries to comfort her. "I'm not sure we're doing the right thing, how can we ever be sure? Still, I do know the people around us are good. I'm sure of it. You really like William don't you?"

"Aye," she says. "What are you implying?"

"Oh, I don't know. You drank from the same cup earlier."

"I do that with you all the time."

"I suppose," Patrick says.

"What, are you jealous? You seem really fond of Aodhan, but I'm not jealous of him."

"I'm not jealous. You know I don't fancy you that way." Patrick feels himself blush at the comment about Aodhan. "Aodhan's nice."

"You just don't like William around me and I know Aodhan's nice," she says pointedly.

"I just want you to be safe."

"I don't think he'll hurt me." She pauses, thinking. "I guess I do trust them, but not like I trust you."