//crazy//

Two.

SATURDAY 7:22

I woke up the next morning with the sun beaming through my curtains.

"JESSALYN MARIE CASTILLO!" My mother shouts from downstairs, but not in a rude tone... maybe she's just in a yelling mood. I don't know.

"Hold on Mom!" I yell back and walk into my bathroom.

I brush my teeth and wash my face with soap and moisturizer. Acne is truly a blessing.

Sarcasm.

I take down my braids and comb my hands through my hair then walk to my closet to grab a sweatshirt. Living with two boys means that I sadly can not walk around the house in a sports bra all day.

As I walk back into my room I instantly get lightheaded and lean against the wall. I stay there for a few moments and then regain my strength. I rub my eyes and proceed down the stairs.

My mom was sat on the love seat beside the huge window in the living room.

"Hi mom" I say as I throw myself into the couch across from her.

"Your hair looks pretty. Did you curl it?" She asks me.

"Braided it last night." She nodded and sipped her coffee.

"Why did you yell for me earlier?" I ask.

She clears her throat and readjusts in her chair as if she is about to speak.

I look up at the huge wooden clock above the fireplace and see that it's only 7:30am. Why am I awake?

It's those stupid curtains. I swear I'm going to tag blankets over that window if I get woken up again. If not I may as well ju-

"Why haven't you been taking you medication?" She snaps me out of my thoughts.

I look at her in confusion.

"I- I am?" I assure her.

"No Jess, you aren't." I give her a puzzled look.

"Your father and I got home late last night and Jay was asleep on the couch. He had woken up when we came in and he told us he had to sleep down here because you were shouting in your sleep. You were saying things like "You're not real!" "I'm not real!" You can't make me!" and "I'm not crazy!"." She trails off.

"He said you said that a lot." She looks up at me. I look down and play with my hem of my gray sweatshirt.

"Jess, honey, that medicine will not change you. It will only help you get better." I look up and she's looking at me.

"I need that medicine because I'm not good enough now, I'm just that psycho girl that sees things and dreams things. Well maybe I don't want to change." I stood up. "I don't want to get better. I don't, I, I..." My head spins and I grab onto the armrest.

My mom rushes over to me and holds onto me for balance.

"I need help mom. I can't, I can't do it anymore." I tell her with my eyes still closed.

She rubs my back. " I know honey. I wish we would know what's wrong with you. You do not deserve this."

I shake my head and she grabs it placing both hands on either sides of my face.

"You do not. Deserve this."

A tear runs down my cheek slowly and she catches it before it falls off my face.

I hug her and she hugs me back.

"We need to go to the doctor tomorrow. Okay?" She says. I nod my head in response.

"I'm going to try and go back to bed." I tell her getting up.

She nods her head and I go upstairs.

When I'm in my room I shut the door and lock it. I slide down my door and I break. I start sobbing.

I can't be treated. I'm incurable. I don't even know who I am. I don't know what's really real. How do I know if I'm even real.

I look over to my glass nightstand.

It can only make you stronger Jess. Just do it.

I walk over to the table and open the drawer. I grab the bottle and grab two pills as it says to on the bottle.

I walk into my bathroom and grab the glass cup by the sink and fill it with water.

With the cup in one hand and the pills in the other, I look in the mirror.

It won't help you Jess. You know it. You're not going to get better.

You don't know that

Gosh why am I arguing with myself?!?

I put the pills in my mouth and down it with the water.

I don't bother looking back in the mirror and I walk over to my bed, but before I get in the bed I close the curtains.

I'm going to sleep it off and act like it never happened.

It did happen.

Shut.

Up.

I close my eyes and doze off.

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This is a filler but its also filled with crucial information soooo....

I've published twice today:)) I'm going to be in the car all day tomorrow going home so I will be writing non stop.

Lots of love,
Ayden<3