Our Last Moments

Interlude 1

Hirate was tired of bad days. Unfortunately, seemed like she couldn't get rid of those. Today was one of those days. 

While the other girls are at the hall, having drinks and socializing with other dancers and critics at a international dancing event after-party, Hirate chose to escape to the nearest restroom. She couldn't handle it. Especially when she met a particular person, a critic, who spoke to her personally, gently near her ear. 

She remembered his every words, "It's weird that they put you at the front. You made your group look bad."

It had been more than 15 minutes since she sat at the toilet seat, crying. No one seemed to look after her. Well, they were all scattered and busy, after all. 

Although it wasn't the first time someone said a harsh criticism towards her, that time, she just couldn't take any negativity in her life anymore. She had enough.

Suddenly, her phone rang, surprising her. Quickly she wiped her tears and pulled herself together. She didn't want anyone to know she was upset and crying. Looking at her phone screen and she couldn't believe who called.

"Mom?"

"Moshi-moshi, Yurina?"

"..Mom?" Just hearing her voice could make Hirate cry again. She missed her mother. Heck, it had been months since they last met. She could really use some comfort from her right now.

"I'm so happy you called," she tried her best to not start crying again.

"You've been busy, honey?"

"I am.. we've been doing performances and meetings--"

"Yurina, honey, I know it's sudden but, I need money. Like, right now."

Hirate was speechless. She had to make sure she heard it right; her mom, was only calling to ask for money. She didn't even bother to let Hirate finish her sentence. She had to take a deep breath and paused.

"M-money..?"

"The trials for divorce is actually more expensive than we thought. I can barely pay my attorney, if I don't have the money by tomorrow we can't continue."

Right. The divorce. It was the last thing she needed to be reminded of.

"...Is that so?" asked Hirate, pretending like she cared.

"I've asked your brother but even his money is not enough. He's just lost his job, he's finding a new one."

Hirate could lose it right now. She was upset, but she tried so hard to keep herself together. She was in a public restroom after all.  

"He.. lost his job?"

"He didn't tell you? It was a long story.."

"He didn't," of course he didn't.

"Well, Yurina, can you transfer the money to me tonight? I'll send you the details."

The tears started running down her cheeks again. "..Sure, Mom. Anything for you."

She sighed and gently hung up.  Disappointed was an understatement. She had never wanted to be involved in her parents' drama, let alone supporting their decision to split. But she was only a kid, there was nothing she could do. And now, her brother's life was falling apart too.

The urge to throw the phone and smash it into the floor was beyond her control, so she did it. 

She wanted to punch the wall too if she could but she couldn't. She wanted to scream, but she couldn't. She wanted to hate her family, but she couldn't. She just wanted to disappear if she could.. but again, she couldn't.

~~~

"Ah, Techi, there you are!"

Hirate walked down the stairs to see her friends already gathered in the lobby, ready to go back to the academy after the after-party. 

"Where've you been? We've been calling you," said Shida.

Hirate then showed the pieces of her broken phone, "My phone broke."

"Eh?" Shida was shocked. "How?"

"It's a long story."

Well, turns out their vehicles couldn't wait for Hirate's 'long story' as the official already asked the girls to hurry and get inside the cars. 

Hirate chose the back seat near the window, of course. She tried to hide her messed up make-up and hair, or her face in general, because she had been crying so much. Also, she was trying to avoid any questions. 

In front of her, she could see some members are laughing and smiling. Some of them were so happy to meet some of the most famous dancers in the country, even talk to them. Some of them was talking about how good the food was. 

But there was one girl who didn't talk to anyone, instead she had been locking her eyes to Hirate. She looked worried.

That girl was Neru. After quiet sometime leaving Hirate alone in her seat with her own thoughts, Neru felt she had to come down and talk to her. So slowly, she moved to the back and sat right next to troubled Hirate.

"You okay?" 

"Yeah," she softly answered, looking outside the window.

"You're a great dancer, but you're not a great liar, Hirate Yurina," Neru teased. "In fact, you're horrible when it comes to lying."

"I said I'm fine. Take it or leave it."

Neru sighed. She expected this attitude, but she didn't want to give up.

"How about your phone? How did it broke so badly?" Neru tried one more time.

"It fell."

"You mean fell from your hand? Cause it looks like--"

"Neru, can you please leave me alone?" 

Speechless, all Neru could do was to nod. She got it, Hirate was not okay and chose to be left alone. She wished she could do more. 

Slowly, she took one of Hirate's hands, rubbing it between hers, taking Hirate by surprise. 

"Okay. I'm sorry," Neru gave her one last smile and got up. She had to leave her by herself again.

~~~

Hirate got home to her apartment looking like a train wreck. Everything was all over the place. The first thing that she did was get rid of the fancy dress and change to a lose t-shirt and short pants. Then, she wiped her makeup off. Next, she turned on the TV, made sure the volume was high so it could distract the noisy voices in her mind. After that, time to clean the dishes.

With her mind wandering around, thinking about what happened today, her hands moved automatically, cleaning plate after plate while her eyes stared blankly to the walls. 

Until, she dropped one to the ground. The plate fell to the floor into hundreds of pieces with a loud crash. 

She sighed, "Shit."

Her body moved by her instinct to quickly fix the mess. She didn't bother to be careful, so she used her hands to pick up the pieces she could pick up. Of course, it was a mistake. A piece of glass scratched her palm.

She stopped and stared at the wound. She could see some blood were drawn to the surface. It hurt, but she didn't cry. 

Hirate knew it was a time for her to stop cleaning up and took a little bit of rest. She had been busy all day long. With her blank, distant, emotionless eyes, she left the kitchen and sat down on a sofa, leaving the glass pieces still on the ground, she could get back to those later in the morning. She let the blood flowed down on her arms.  For her, somehow the wound on her hand was less painful than the one she felt in her heart. She let herself feel the pain. Until finally, she fell asleep, with the loud sound of the TV as her lullaby.