✨

Stephen tries

⚠️WARNING- SUICIDE AND  DEPRESSION⚠️
Plot: Depression isn't always noticeable.
Requested: yep, you know where to go to send requests ❤️
____________________________

Stephen wasn't the type of guy to be sad. No matter how bad things got he held a bright smile and ignored everything, that's what I thought anyway.

I partially blame myself, the night of Stephens suicide, I wasn't there. I got the phone call at 2 am from Stephen. I could hear trucks and cars driving by and Stephen yelling that he loved me and that he was sorry. I thought it was a prank, fuck..

I found myself reaching for another bottle rum.
I didn't even like alcohol that much anyway but lately it seemed to be of use.
I always assure myself that's it his fault and not my own for my addiction, although he had nothing to do with it.

It was just easy to blame someone else instead of owning to the reality that you have a problem. So that's what I did, I blamed him.

Ad revenue low again?: it's that bloody ginger!
Bills go unpaid?: it's that goddam Stephen kid!
Alcoholic tendencies?: THAT FUCKING STEPHEN!

It was easy to pretend he had caused my issues. Well technically he had.

In the early hours I'd be wide awake, sipping anything alcoholic just to forget, but of course I never did.

I could never understand why Stephen did it, he left not a single trace at all. He was happy when he was with me and his friends, he was happy in his videos so I never understood, until I found his letter.

A suicide letter from Stephen was one of the most shocking things I could ever find, especially since it's him.

It was four pages long..

Dear my gorgeous angel,

I've been planning my suicide for a while, for a year exact.
Even with you in myself I couldn't bring myself to tell you that I was hurting.
I didn't have a reason to be depressed but yet I was diagnosed.
I guess I got so good at hiding it he fact that I was upset with comedy.
I pushed videos out so I could buy you gifts because I love you.
I'm sorry I did this, I know I could be getting better right now if I hadn't.. but I just couldn't.
I didn't want anyone but me and my therapist to know. All those times I claimed that I was going to a bar, to hang out with Mates, to record a video we're obviously lies. I was instead going out to see a therapist to get better but I just got worse because I thought about how much pain you would be in.
I'm sorry.

I took in a deep breathe and looked around the room, trying to stop the tears but I couldn't. I lay the letter downed and walked to the kitchen.

Flinging the fridge door open I snatched a bottle of hard brandy and forgot all my worries, but I never forgot what I had read.

I just wanted Stephen back..