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Pyrocynical

Plot: Love dies.
Requested: NO
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I'd find myself digging through clothes he left behind, trying to remember his scent.

I'd find myself making his favourite meal although I hated it.

I'd find myself scrolling through his social media's at odd hours of the morning, crying at the thought that he wasn't mine.

I did these things often. They made me feel worse and crave for him back more.

Who was I to be so selfish? He was happy with Hyojin, well  before we broke up.

I can still remember the nights where he would ask if I would come with him to a club, to a bar, to a movie.

The nights where he handed me Daisy's and whispered he loved me into the crook of my neck.

What happened to those days anyway?

I still wonder that too.

Niall gradually stopped asking me to come with him.

We stopped going on dates.

We stopped the large but funny debates in the kitchen while making pancakes at 3am.

We stopped dancing crazily to our favourite songs in the late ours of the night.

We stopped being happy.

I knew he was cheating. His excuses became lazy and stupid and eventually he stopped explaining.

The only chats we shared were me questioning the red lipstick on his neck, the ruffled hair, the buttons on his shirt that went unbuttoned after a late night with "friends". It was obvious.
His excuse was that it was for a "video" on YouTube, on Alex's channel apparently. I knew he was lying. But yet I still waited for the video that would never come.

Niall fucked up.
I fucked up.

We are two shitty people who wasted 3 years together.

He cheated.
I yelled.

So here I am.
4am, a stray dog knocking on the door of an apartment.
aching for Niall's touch, his laugh, his everything, something that I would never get again.

He answered on my 8th knock.
Niall opened, rubbing his tired ocean eyes.

"I miss you," I admitted cowardly.
"Fuck, I cant believe I just said that!," I chuckled and ran my hand through my greasy hair.
He watched my every move.

"Can you remember that promise we made?, the one about honesty and loyalty? Well here I am, it's been a year since we broke up but I can't live without telling you this, I miss you. I know you don't care because you've moved on but you mean everything to me and I had to tell you".

"I had to try" I choked.

He stared at me quietly before I heard footsteps, looking up I saw her, hyojin.

She watched me with concerned eyes, turning to Niall she asked something but it sounded muffled to me.

She walked away after a few moments and I looked into his beautiful blue eyes. I knew I wasn't going to get the answer I so desperately desired. He knew that too.

He stared at me with pain in his eyes before closing the door. I watched the white, dated door for some time, hoping he'd come back and whisper into my neck like he used to. He didn't.

"Goodbye" I barely whispered,

"To your beautiful ocean eyes"