can you keep it a secret?

chapter 8 - first love 『 end 』

the door creaked open, shiro flinched to see who it was.
the four of them with eyes that was crying moments ago, was filled with shock.
shiro had lost all her hair, and she was in hospital clothes.
she was pale, but there was a distant flush on her face.
kokoro and hinata ran up to shiro and went full arms on her.
they hugged her tightly with incoming floods of tears.
in the silent room, all you could hear was the four's quiet sobbing.

as kokoro kept hugging shiro,
hinata stood up seeing shiro smiling.
he felt shattered, he couldnt protect her smile.
hinata clenched his fist, filled with frustration, he was so angry at himself, he thought that he couldnt even protect the one who was most important to him.

"i should have noticed sooner..
that you we're sick...that something was wrong with you..im..im so sorry shiro.."

hinata who beared all his tears cracked open and cried.
he covered himself up with his arms as he tried to wipe them off, but his tears kept going, and he couldnt stop crying.

"what are you talking about?
im right here, alive and breathing.
nothing will happen to me."

what she said sounded so relieving..
but they knew the truth, it wasnt a secret anymore.

"when did it happen? you being diagnosed i mean.."
kokoro questioned trying to hold back her stuffy nose.
"lets see..it started two years ago?"
"two years?! you've been diagnosed for two years?!!"
"yeah..it gave me a shocker too..i even had to quit all the sports i attended to.."
shiro looked down and gave a slight smirk.
"what about your parents?
aren't they gonna come here?"
yachi asked.
"parents...im an orphan."
shiro looked up and smiled.
all four had their eyes widened.
"thats not something you should be smiling at! and what do you mean orphan?!"
kokoro shouted.

"....a year after i was diagnosed by cancer, my mom, was also diagnosed..she had it for a few months...and when we finally went to the doctor, they told us she had lung cancer..and she was already in stage 4...since lung cancer spreads real fast, and she was in the last critical stage..my...my mom died a week later."
the four's eyes widened, and was filled with pity to shiro.

"after the death of my mother..thats when i was engulfed by depression...many people tried to help me but in the process they just didnt care anymore, so they would just ignore me and gossip all about me. i would cut myself, and i even tried commiting suicide.
but, i thought that, maybe there was still a glimsp of light you know?
that..maybe if i just dont kill myself, then the happiness i wanted would go to me.
and it did.
and...im glad i did so."
shiro said as she smiled and looked at hinata.

the four was shaking. that shiro's smile was actually hiding all her despair and suffering, but she kept smiling, and kept living, and now she's happy.
they we're relieved that shiro was still breathing, that she didnt give up.
shiro who was shy and introverted,
had become strong and happy.
the only thing that never changed for her,
was her keeping everything to herself.

the hour had ticked by and shiro had told almost everything she kept to herself.
she enjoyed the four's company, and all the things that we're stuck from her chest had flown away.
shiro fell asleep in the process, and hinata, kokoro, and yachi went out to buy snacks.

"kageyama kun"
yachi said.
"yeah?"
kageyama who kept looking at shiro quickly turned his head to yachi.
"me, hinata and miko chan will go to the convienience store, can you keep an eye on shiro?"
".....okay."
"thanks kageyama kun. do you need anything?"
"milk."
"i thought so..well we'll see you later, please keep an eye on her~"
yachi smiled and waved.

kageyama sat down on a chair beside shiro.
it was quiet and all you could hear was the heart monitor's beeping.
kageyama stared at shiro's face for a few seconds and looked away blushing.